Friday, November 20, 2009

What makes “chemistry?”

I find it very interesting that there are certain things that bring couples together. Chemistry is chemistry. If there is none, it doesn’t matter how perfect a person is for you. I’m not just talking about physical chemistry. I’m referring to banter and common understanding. One time I had to take notes throughout the day in order to be able to keep a conversation going on the phone with a guy I was hanging out with for a few weeks. In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have spent quite so much time trying with that one. Clearly we didn’t have anything to talk about. This is quite strange too because I can be alone in my own house and carry on a perfectly good conversation will no lulls of deafening silence. On the flip side of the silent phone conversation though, I've only had one relationship in my lifetime in which the conversation was always easy (unless of course he had changed his phone number so I couldn't reach him...and strangely enough, he did that twice during the 4 years I spent with him). I ran into him recently, ten years later in the grocery store. I felt as though we could've pulled up two chairs in the clorox aisle and talked all night again. It's too bad that relationship didn't work out but neither of us would've become the person we are now if we had stayed where we were. I don't have regrets...I just pattern what I believe a relationship to be after the good parts I shared with him. That's the sort of person you can grow old with and not worry that there's nothing left to say. Oh well...the quest continues...So what is it about people that allows them the ability to have this sort of chemistry? I suppose there’d have to be a few points of conversation that both people had a vast knowledge on. I try to learn a little bit about a lot of different things. The problem is that it still doesn’t work if the other person is too serious. If I need a laugh track for my jokes so a guy knows where they are placed in the conversation, he probably isn’t in sync with me. I suppose I could just carry a digital device in my pocket that has random conversation starters. OH! I know!…I could invent a device that attaches to the phone that changes the topic to a variety of different ideas with the push of a button. The only issue with this is that I sort of already have that button genetically engineered in my head to begin with.

Does it take some people longer to open up into chatter about things that are important to them or do some people have absolutely no interests at all? I can’t imagine that is the case. You’d have to be pretty boring to have nothing matter at all. I guess it could happen though. I have made a list of things I could have a conversation about:

Web design
Producing music
Video Production
Movies from the 80’s
self help/psychology
Computers, Computers, Computers
Building Computers, Using Computers, Backing up computers…did I mention computers?

Uh oh…It’s me. I apparently I have a narrow scope of topics. If a guy can’t fit into one of those categories with similar interests, the conversation will stop. Hmm…what do guys like? I may be missing a major one- sports! Clearly a “sports guy”, if that is all he is, is totally unsuited to me. I have tried to get into sports. Basketball and baseball make sense to me. I even played softball when I was in 5th grade. Wait…let me rephrase that. I used to wet my pants in left field during the 3 ½ hour games while our pitcher walked the other team through the bases. I suppose if a guy gave me some indication of his interests, other than pretending to care about things he believes I might like, I would research them and be able to keep the conversation going if he’s attractive enough. Hey! He could invite me to his fencing match if he’d like. I have a blackberry in case I get bored…and I’ll even sing the anthem! Do they sing the anthem at fencing?...or is it from a different country? I never hear "Fencing! The great American passtime!"...oh well! My fencing boyfriend will have to let me know!