Friday, August 27, 2010

I Guess This Says it All!

I find this to be absolutely hilarious!  Not because it is indeed superficially hilarious, but because it is also startlingly true to form when it comes to assessing the importance of intellectual ability placed on the beautiful people.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not dissing good looking people.  I have been considered to be good looking but it always threw me off since I spent most of my life just being the "funny, flute toting,computer geek!"...actually I'm not sure who called me that last part other then me right now, but you get the picture. The strangest thing is that most of the guys I have spent any time with sort of just wished that I would shut up (and fix their computer after they left the room).  Looking back, they may have been right.  Having a conversation with them over the noisy banter in their heads about whether or not "she will do me" may have been a waste of my voice.  I will say that there is something glaringly wrong with this video though:  What girl that looks like her ever orders fries?  I thought we had an unspoken agreement with the universe that we have to pretend in public that we can't eat anything other than berrys and lettuce?...Oh well...That's it...I am inspired now!  I'm going to stop eating my fries in bed!

I just saw an interview on FOX news (no dissing-  I like FOX news!  It's sort of my favorite!  I like it because it insights so many people into an incoherent rage that they can't communicate in complete sentences...I think that's funny!)  Anyway...let's talk about the interview with the new Miss Universe.  Yes!  She was definitely beautiful....Yes!  She was definitely beautiful...Yes!  She was definitely beautiful!...She said, "um...I think it was a destiny thing.  There were 83 beautiful woman and only one would win."

...Yes!  She was definitely beautiful! 

Apparently the clincher that won her the title in the pagent was her answer to her question about how she felt about the internet: "It is a door, uh, and I think, uh, we should teach children values, uh, cause it's good and we should use it."... Is it a tiny bit spiteful that I sort of envisioned myself holding her head under a sink and spelling the sign language letters into her hand "www-aaa-tttt-eee-rrr", but then I took a step into reality and realized that I could never do that.  It would've messed up her hair!

Now, I'm sure I'm going to get all sorts of angry responses to this.  I apologize up front because I am mostly just joking.  I'm sure Miss Universe is smart and she's just playing into the act that we all sometimes have to in order to gain respect from the opposite sex.  Too much strength and confidence is often a turn off to the wrong person!  The catch is knowing when someone is attracted to your strength and confidence because he/she wants to break it down as a self-fulfilling project! The moral of this story is...wait...I don't know what the moral is...the moral do your hair before leaving the house?... could just be yourself and not worry what people might "want" in a partner...Most likely, someone wants exactly what you already are.  Never be afraid to be that person!  Besides...playing dumb the rest of your life might actually make your brain freeze that way!

Monday, August 23, 2010

Getting “Off Track!”

I have been running into people lately who have insisted that they keep meeting all the “wrong type” of people and are thinking of giving up on being with someone all together! Believe me when I say that I hear them on this. The interesting thing is that I have sort of figured this problem out! (Now let’s get this straight here…I figured it out- I didn’t say that I can fix it!) I have found that simply making the statement “I meet all of the wrong people” brings more of whatever your definition of “the wrong people” is. We can really get into a rut that seems to leave us stuck wondering if things will ever change. The problem is that the more time and energy we allow our minds to give this problem, the bigger the problem it becomes!

Here’s an example: I thought I had it all together in my 20’s when I met a guy who seemed to be who I was “meant to have met” and spend my life with. Wow! How confident I was that I had it all!

Scene fades in…Calia is sitting at her ping pong table (yeah…well I was in my 20’s and in college…who needs more than a ping pong table as her dining room table?)

Calia’s inner voice: Wow! I’m so lucky! I have met this great guy and I am ready to have it all- good times, vacations together, I’ll probably get married, I’m going to get my first job in my new exciting career, I’ll have a house and children and live happily ever after! Everybody wants to be me!

(cue the doom music that Calia can’t hear lurking in the background…)

Calia’s friends: Wow! We want to be you!
Calia: I bet you do!

(fast forward a few months…cue the thunder and clouds in the sky getting ready to open up a storm over Calia and the guy’s beautiful new house as the guy starts to suck the life and personality from Calia’s every living breath!)

Calia’s inner voice: Boy! I’m so excited! This is sure a beautiful day! I’m really on my way to having everything! Everybody wants to be me!
Calia’s friends: Have you heard from Calia lately? She is really in a bad situation. She’s not allowed to call us anymore. She has really changed!

(cue the roar of the monster hiding in the closet next to Calia’s beautiful dresses!)

Calia: Look at all of my beautiful dresses! Everybody wants to be me!

(fast forward a few months…cue Calia’s mother coming to the end of the driveway of Calia’s ex’s new house as she picks Calia up with only her beautiful dresses and the license plate from the car she has just signed over to the ex!)

Calia:…I can’t believe I didn’t see this coming…I don’t even want to be me!

Calia picks up her old car from a lot that she had left it on when she bought a new one the year before that would be acceptable to her new boyfriend. The crying Calia gets into the old car after the friendly guy at the lot pulls the license plate from her weak and shaking hands and puts it onto it. She pulls out of the lot and 100 feet from where it had sat for a year, the muffler drops off into the street…She opened the door, got out and started walking…She wasn’t sure exactly where she was going. Just walking I guess…Her new apartment with nothing in it but the dresses she took from the house she thought she had started her future in and the silverware her parents had put into the drawers in the kitchen didn’t seem to make her very happy. But then again, nothing really made her happy anymore. So she just kept walking…

The next chapter starts but unfortunately it is longer than Calia’s “plan” had originally intended. She wasn’t sure what was making her more unhappy: Losing him, or losing all that time and having to completely start over after believing that she had already started her life!...yeah…she decided that all she needed to do was meet someone else and quickly start again! She gave herself a specific time-frame- 5 minutes! That was all she had right?...She even set an alarm on her blackberry to go off 6 months later with the message “get a life!”…OMG!...that thing went off every 6 minutes for 4 weeks until she decided that hitting the snooze on this negative message was becoming counterproductive to actually “getting a life!” She’d go on dates with the “wrong guy” and the alarm would go off! He’d ask what it was. She’d politely tell him. “Yeah…it’s my biological clock!”…This was actually extremely hilarious to her in a sort of “poke your eyes out” kinda way…the guy never thought it was quite as funny for some reason though.

That chapter ended a few years later- way behind schedule, with absolutely no worth while content…other than some pretty funny dating stories. Dating when you’re not ready and constantly choosing to date people who your subconscious mind has picked out to prove to your conscious that life, indeed sucks, can throw you way off track but can make for some really great tales to commiserate about with other jaded, angry people who are paddling in circles in the same boat! Something happened as she came to that realization. She woke up one day and turned off that alarm. At first the silence was deafening…then it was a little scary…then it was soothing…


No more pressure to get “on track”. No more self-defeating dates with people who were more of the same. No more commiserating with people about how “there’s no one out there!” No more negative energy. No more need to have done things on the time frame that had already long passed. No more believing that since it didn’t happen the way she had planned it to happen, that it would never happen. The more she had tried to control it, the more energy she had put into believing that no good was ever going to come and that time was up. She took up a new phrase that she really started to enjoy. In fact, she used it nearly all the time. She found her old playful giggle as she started to free her self-imposed restrictions and negative believes with it.

“What are they going to do to me?”…

  • What are they going to do to me if I love my life?
  • What are they going to do to me if I meet the one a little later and the old “not the one” is one or two divorces ahead of me?
  • What are they going to do to me if I have my children a little later because something magical saved me from false starting my life and living completely on the wrong track?
  • What are they going to do to me if I drive 95 on the highway?...okay…um… ‘giggle’…so they actually can do something about that…oh well…you live, you learn…hee hee…
The point is simple: When you think you’re off track, it’s very easy to stay on that track for much longer than you need to. You don’t have to impose a specific age and set of circumstances that you must have to make you happy. You can make a list of the things that you would like to achieve. In fact, I would suggest it. It’s nice to be clear about what it is you are looking for. Just make sure those are the things you really want and you are putting yourself into situations that bring you closer to finding them. In the meantime, don’t sit around waiting for your life to start! Do everything in the world you’ve ever wanted to do and life will find you! That’s what I call getting yourself on the right track!

Note: I wrote this in response to an email that I got that I was unable to respond to because I didn’t know where to send it. I hope it helps to make things clear enough to recognize that you are exactly where you are meant to be right now, and changing a few simple things about the way you treat yourself will set your life in motion towards everything you’ve imagined for your future. Possibly this is more wordy than “entertaining” but I’m like that sometimes! Happy day! Calia

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Weather haters!

I was in the grocery store the other day and the lady in front of me was complaining about the weather. She said, “Thank God this weather is going to break soon!...I felt the need to get into the conversation. I’m not sure what it is about me that allows me to get provoked to respond sometimes, BUT it happens from time to time. (I probably ate sugar or something. I do know that when I am free of sugar for 48 hours or so, someone could actually punch me in the face and I would say, “I’m sorry. Did I get in your way? Have a very happy day!” – This was not the case today.) I said, “What? It's summer!  This weather is perfect!" I was beginning to think that all that global warming was a pile of crap!  I hope it stays this hot until October!”…She took this statement as a personal attack as she loaded her bologna and diet soda into her cart and replied sternly, “Don’t wish that on me!”…I could’ve left it alone, but I didn’t. I said, “What’s the heat going to do to you?"…again, this was not what she wanted to hear and she stomped away as the cashier and I giggled together.

I am VERY aware that I like extremes. It’s like that in my life. Possibly it’s a manic state and my synapses are stuck on “high!” Who cares though? I have a feeling that this same lady is the type who will complain about the cold in the winter. As a matter of fact, I like to flit around the grocery store when it’s 100 degrees out, looking for people to engage me in a conversation about whether or not it’s “hot enough for ya?”…They are called seasons! Move if you don’t like them! The issue is that some people are NEVER happy! Of course I’m not quite sure that they want to be. It’s a lesson that I have long been learning. Sometimes I think I can “fix” the world. It’s a family trait though. When my sister left her husband many years ago, my mother said, “Go back and fix it!”…It sounded like good advice to me, but where that topic was concerned, my sister wasn’t interested in wearing our “Roze Colored Glasses!”

So what about the lady who lives on the east coast and doesn’t like seasons?…well…it likely isn’t my place to convince her to love everyday as it is given to her- hot, cold, or mild! She likes to complain so I should SHUT UP!…(ha…good luck with that!…I’m working on it though!…as long as someone doesn’t say something that reminds me of something that I could say back... But maybe that’s what makes me a good conversationalist.) I’m going to practice what to say to people so I don’t always feel the need to egg someone on who is asking for a confrontation from now on!

Lady in Store: I hope this weather is over soon!
Calia: Yeah. You can always wish you were dead so you wouldn’t have to deal with it!

(darn…that wasn’t good. It’s as if my writing has the same problem my mouth does. Even fictional lady in my little skit just provoked me! Let me try again!)

Lady in Store: Boy! I sure wish fall would come. I hate this weather!
Calia: What are you? About 60? I guess you should’ve considered that 30 years ago before you moved to NY State!


Lady in Store: Ah! I can’t wait until this dreadful summer is done!
Calia: (stop…think…smile…wait…darn…I can’t type a response that isn’t in direct conflict to her statement. It’s like my “leave it alone” switch is broken…ah…okay…here goes!…) giggle…

That was the best I could do! Not to mention that the resistance I felt to it was incredible! Oh well…if you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all!…but maybe she should consider not crapping all over my world with her unhappy existence!…I’m just saying…