Sunday, March 22, 2009

All or nothing?

Have you ever noticed that when you aren’t really into someone they really like you, and if you actually meet someone you like, you can’t get them to return your call? I met a guy one night and we had a nice conversation. I told him that I was really busy but I’d love to try to talk again or get together sometime in the weeks to follow. We left it at that and actually ended up getting together 2 days after. We had a nice time but he was about 5 minutes out of a marriage and clearly drunk. It wasn’t really a good sign for me because I’d have to say that there might not be anything less attractive to me than a drunk guy. The days to follow were really busy and I wasn’t able to return is 31 or so phone calls. Finally I did get back to him (5 days after we’ve met), to tell him that I might have had some free time in the week ahead. He said Okay!… and then continued to call to try to make plans 4 or 5 times a day for the next 3 days. Finally (now 8 days after meeting for the first time) I got into my car and noticed a bunch of missed calls and as I set the phone on the seat, it rang again. This time I was available and answered it and he said, in a raging, angry tone, “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?” I answered, “I’ve been exactly where I said I would be. I really don’t think this is working out. Maybe in a few months when you are in a different stage of the end of your marriage and I am a little less busy, we can try to catch up with each other.” He was surprised but said “alright” and hung up.

I thought, “Wow! That was easier than I remember that being. Now… if people were just honest with each other, there would never be any hard feelings. I’m very proud of myself!”…But wait…that’s not all…10 minutes later he started calling and leaving messages. “I’m not giving up on you! You’re the person I can see myself having children with!”… “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me. I am not going away! You’re going to have to kill me first.” ( I actually contemplated calling him back in the middle of the night and saying in a scary voice, “you know what , man whose name rhymes with Cat, I AM going to have to kill you!”… but I decided against it since his occupation was one that rhymes with “bolice bofficer.” The harassing calls continued… He rolled his truck on my street drunk driving a day later and called me to tell me about it… Then he called me to tell me that he had called me to tell me that he had rolled his truck and was surprised that I didn’t check in to see if he was okay… Finally… now 11 days since we first met, I had done what every girl with extensive knowledge in audio enhancement would do…I made 3 copies of a cd of his 27 threatening voice messages – one for a friend (in case he killed me- I always like to have enough evidence laying around for my family to press charges), one for his boss,…(and one for the little boy who lives down the lane…um…totally kidding about that part…it just sort of sounded like it went there for some reason),...and one copy for my files so I can eventually make that compilation cd that I’ve always dreamed of. ...Anyway…I called him to let him know that he should not call me anymore because I would be taking action. He seemed confused…he said he didn’t call me…over… and over again…then his wife got on the phone…UH OH!…Oh boy! I had another man whose name rhymes with ‘Cat” stored in my phone.... Oops…I explained to his wife that it had been a mistake and dialed the right guy immediately after…(while I got a room in my house ready for the other man whose name rhymed with Cat).

He went away and got engaged to someone else.

So what can we learn from the fact that clearly crazy things follow me in this area? I have to say that it seems that if all of the other areas in one's life are completely put together and then one is failing at such great strength, possibly something's a little out of alignment? Does everyone run into things like this or am I bringing it on myself? ...or do I tell a really great story?...actually the stories are true but I have to admit that I do have a recall factor that can make buying a stick of butter at the store seem interesting! Anyway...we don't hear of this stuff happening to just anyone. There must be something that is protecting me from getting in a situation with a stable a matter of fact, I haven't even met one. Don't get me wrong...there are a ton of single, normal guys who would say that every girl they meet is crazy too. Every single person can't be crazy right? Of course not! The problem is that we are using the law of attraction everytime we meet one of these people. The more of them I meet, the more I believe that's the type of guy that I meet and then the more I meet that type of guy! Uh oh! Well that doesn't sound good does it? What does it get me...other than a lot of laughs in my break room from the delivery of a story nothing short of a sitcom? Well...maybe that's exactly it! If I allowed myself to like a normal guy for once, would I just stop talking completely? My act would be blown. Well...that's a chance I have to take! If you are having these issues, take the time to look at why that is? What do you really believe about dating? Figure that out and then decide what kind of person you would really like in your life! Have a great day!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Vegetation Control

On the news this morning, there was a warning on the screen: “Vegetation control will be taking place. Motorists should take care when driving.” I took my headphones off because I wondered what this was about. Apparently they were mowing today. Isn’t it interesting how instead of bettering ourselves, we are a society that just changes the name of our profession instead? I understand- I am a laryngial vocalis muscle technician. We experience this sort of thing all the time. Every time you turn on the news and they are doing the weather, there’s a new description for the upcoming precipitation. I love the “wintery mix.” When we were kids, it was simply “freezing rain.” The “WM” is way more beautiful!

The government is having a similar problem. “For the first order of business… we need to change the names of some of these things! Global warming- yuck! It’s so 90’s …and besides…it’s really cold out there today! Let’s call it “Climate change!" …yes…that is much nicer. We also need to think about this abortion thing...we don't want to make the catholics angry- they all still vote...they've long been guilted into believing that lack of attendance= eternal life in hell. Do you think we can throw them off by calling it the "partial fetal maximization program?"

How about labels on relationships? ...Seeing each other, friends with benefits, dating, girlfriend... It seems to me that it is all the same as it used to be only the participants have different levels of diagnosed codependent personality disorders. It is what it is- no matter what you call it! "He’s not my “boyfriend”! We’re just “hanging out”!"- Oh- you mean you’re still looking for someone better? "YES…I mean…NO!" …One afternoon my father said, “I hope no one wanted that egg sandwich that was on the table. I just threw it away.” My mother answered, “I don’t know anything about an “egg sandwich.” I had two slices of toast with egg inside them.”…okay mistake! ...then he made another egg sandwich and put it back on the table!

Monday, March 16, 2009

Possibly people don't always listen when I talk...

Calia in a conversation at a night club when asked about herself:

Calia: ...Yes, I really like what I do. I currently take computer parts and build them into computers for underprivileged children.

Guy: So…Do you touch yourself?

Calia: …and it seems to really make a difference in their school work.
Guy: So…do you?