Thursday, March 19, 2009

Vegetation Control

On the news this morning, there was a warning on the screen: “Vegetation control will be taking place. Motorists should take care when driving.” I took my headphones off because I wondered what this was about. Apparently they were mowing today. Isn’t it interesting how instead of bettering ourselves, we are a society that just changes the name of our profession instead? I understand- I am a laryngial vocalis muscle technician. We experience this sort of thing all the time. Every time you turn on the news and they are doing the weather, there’s a new description for the upcoming precipitation. I love the “wintery mix.” When we were kids, it was simply “freezing rain.” The “WM” is way more beautiful!

The government is having a similar problem. “For the first order of business… we need to change the names of some of these things! Global warming- yuck! It’s so 90’s …and besides…it’s really cold out there today! Let’s call it “Climate change!" …yes…that is much nicer. We also need to think about this abortion thing...we don't want to make the catholics angry- they all still vote...they've long been guilted into believing that lack of attendance= eternal life in hell. Do you think we can throw them off by calling it the "partial fetal maximization program?"

How about labels on relationships? ...Seeing each other, friends with benefits, dating, girlfriend... It seems to me that it is all the same as it used to be only the participants have different levels of diagnosed codependent personality disorders. It is what it is- no matter what you call it! "He’s not my “boyfriend”! We’re just “hanging out”!"- Oh- you mean you’re still looking for someone better? "YES…I mean…NO!" …One afternoon my father said, “I hope no one wanted that egg sandwich that was on the table. I just threw it away.” My mother answered, “I don’t know anything about an “egg sandwich.” I had two slices of toast with egg inside them.”…okay mistake! ...then he made another egg sandwich and put it back on the table!