Another Speed Bump?

I am getting really sick of speed bumps. Why is it that everyday, there’s a new speed bump in the middle of the parking lot?…I wasn’t speeding. I just wanted to drive forward without biting my tongue and grinding the bottom of my car down. People are getting a little bit too intense with their obsession with authority. Last week, I watched a guy come out of the building next door and set cones around a few parking places he didn’t want people to park. Wait a minute…who the heck is he? If I get my own cones, can I set aside a spot for me to pull into in the morning?

The thing is that it appears that I have a problem with authority all together. I see those cones and I want to take them home with me. I see a speed bump and I sort of want to file it down with a lathe. I see a no parking sign with the words, “No Parking between 3-5 pm Monday through Friday, 7-9am on Saturday and Sunday, At all between the hours of 4-9pm on odd numbered days of the month or during special events”, on it, and I want to send a pointed letter to the city parking authority. It will say:

To whom it may concern,

I can’t help but notice that it is nearly impossible to leave my car anywhere without having a secret decoder ring for the signs from a “parking authority crispies” box. Please accept my payment of one million dollars to cover the cost of the rest of the tickets I obtain in my lifetime. My license plate number is PRKNG SCKS. Please see to it that all officers are made aware of our new arrangement of me parking where I want to, when I want to, and you leaving me the heck alone. I appreciate your attempt at keeping order, however, I hope you will use the money to purchase lives for the people who are consistently standing next to my car waiting for the meter to expire or become invisible depending on the time of day. I mean really?…for God's sake! Are they riding in my trunk?... I appreciate your immediate attention to this matter.

Insincerely,

Calia Roze