Thursday, July 23, 2009

You should walk away when…

On the first date, a man starts talking about his ex wife and how she was “psycho!” You should be very careful. If he calls her psycho, in a couple of weeks he will be telling his buddies that you went “psycho” too and that he has bad luck with women. Also…if his ex-wife is indeed “psycho”, it is very likely that he drove her there in his car that he cheated on her with his secretary in!

A man rolls his Explorer in your front lawn a week after meeting you and then calls you the next day and leaves a message letting you know that he’s Okay!

You come across a guy pulling your garbage can out of his trunk and walking up to your porch with it.

A guy takes you to a small-town bar and when you go into the rest-room, there is a detailed description of a bedroom act etched into the wooden stall door. Would there ever be a woman who would’ve written this?…and…um…Was she actually carrying a knife with her?…or did your date actually etch it into the door himself? No matter- All bad! This is why I always drive myself!…and scan the room for threats upon entry!

A man has 3 high chairs in his kitchen. (This says it all…unless the mother is dead, count me out!)

A guy ties his table number to his head with his tie. (This is never funny!…or cool!)

A guy texts you a couple days after meeting you in the middle of the night and says, “I want to kiss your lips but they aren’t on your face.” (This will likely not do a guy any good…possibly he has just sent it to everyone in his address book hoping that in 4 out of 5 girls surveyed, 1 is drunk enough to invite him over because of his “nice poem!”

A guy texts and emails the whole time he’s with you…If he needs his cell phone as a security blanket, he is either too insecure around you, or he is only listening to every other word and texting another girl who may meet him after you don’t pan out tonight!

A guy thinks it’s a compliment when on the first date he tells you, “You are a diamond all covered with manure and on top of it, a thick shell of nail polish and I want to take a chisel and chip away at the nail polish, then take a cloth and wipe away the manure and view the shiny luster that’s underneath!” “No offense!” None taken!

You’re making dinner at a guy’s house and he asks you to rotate the silverware to the bottom as you place it back into the drawer so that it is used evenly since there are only two of you using it!