Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The Exorcism of Calia Roze

I actually talked to a psychic this weekend. She saw me with a “water” guy who was younger than me. She said that he was a sailor and had a boat. I came home thinking… “Hmm…I like to drink water. Maybe she was wrong and that guy is actually the CEO of the FIJI water distributors…and hopefully that boat is an ocean liner?” Don’t get me wrong…it sounds like I like wealthy guys. Actually it’s not that at all. I like driven, intense guys, and with drive comes success and the healthy self image that I’m attracted to. I guess that I can’t see myself with a guy in a Hawaiian shirt sailing into the breeze. Actually…come to think of it, I’d have to get rid of all my clothes and pick up some shorts somewhere? Who is this Simon and Simon guy that she’s picturing me meeting? I’m really more like a Bond girl…but even then, I’d rather that no one drop me from an airplane in my evening gown. Clearly my energy was bad as she came near me! I needed to “exercise the demons!” So I went to the gym. …what? It wasn’t like I could go to my priest at 3am and explain that he needed to keep me from meeting someone who liked to go outside? He already thinks that I’m crazy. You can’t tell me that Papal Law keeps him from snickering with his dog later than night! I can see it now: “What do you think Spot? The blonde girl wants God to help her not meet a guy who will take her near nature.”… “Rooof, rooof, Father…but I’d love to pee on her Prada shoes!” …Now that’s just mean!

I got to the gym and a guy came up next to me. We started talking. He was spending the weekend on his boat. I looked at him, thought about how it might feel to swim in a body of water other than a hot tub and said, “That’s nice. Have fun! I need to finish up my workout! Have a great weekend.” And in that instant, I had successfully changed my fate. Problem solved. Nature demons “exorcised!” …and that’s how I seized one moment and changed my future forever! I continue to watch for that suited, cocky businessman who will sweep me off of my feet and spend the rest of his living years trying to make me miserable! … Just the way I like it…


Robin said...

lol, that is way too funny :)