Monday, July 27, 2009

Why do guys keep flipping me off?

I can’t figure out why this always happens to me. I was singing at a wedding last night and a guy walked up to me while I was singing, all sweaty, drunk, and “dancy”. This is how it went:

Drunk guy: “uh…this…isn’t…uh…if you weren’t so…uh?”

Me: “um,…bouncy?”

Drunk guy: “no. BEAUTIFUL!”

Me: “oh! Thank you!”

Drunk guy: “If you weren’t so beautiful, I’d tell you this isn’t music.”

Me: “Oh! Well then! Lucky me! I’m sure glad I am!…run along now!” (then I pointed to the dance floor and he actually went away)

The guy was definitely dancing and having a lot of fun but had clearly had a few! I guess he was in the “Mony Mony” stage of his drunkenness and we weren’t playing that! We went on break and I was sitting with my band in the other room. That same guy walked near us and paused before he opened the restroom door to enter to look at me a few feet away. I smiled and said, “Don’t go into the ladies’ room!”…He looked at the triangle-skirted diagram on the door with the word, “Ladies” printed underneath, smiled a little, flipped me off, and then turned and walked into the men’s room instead! I actually can’t tell you how many times this has actually happened!…well…not the ladies’ room thing…but the flipping off thing. To me, it doesn’t seem like the best way to pick up a girl in a pretty dress. What do I know though? Maybe it’s worked for him in the past?? Women are funny these days. I actually think that we have allowed men to get away with very bad behavior at times. Are we that afraid that if we don’t allow ourselves to be treated without respect that we will run out of guys to date? I think we’ve taught men that this is the case. In that regard, we are our own worst enemies!

…Later in then night, the guy was dancing in his t-shirt…yeah…somehow his nice blue shirt, that had almost made him presentable, was missing, and his tattoo infested arms and back were showing. I tried to look away as not to gawk at the mess! Look away!…look away…If you can’t see him, he can’t see you! (Darn the theatre! I still believe that! How many times have I closed my eyes hoping that someone wouldn’t notice me and walk on by only to open one eye and see them startlingly, right in front of my face?… “oh…oops…sorry…I…um…was just trying to see if light comes through my eyelids…hee hee?…um…Hi!”)… He walked right back up to me. I have to say that he was actually very nice. He said that I did a great job and he was impressed that we could play instruments. Then he continued:

Not as Drunk guy anymore: “I can’t play any instruments…except guitar hero…and even that I have to play on beginner”

My head: “…ok…that was actually funny. He just gained a point or two.”

Not as Drunk guy anymore: “I do have these tattoos though!”

My head: “Look away…don’t say anything”

Me: “And what does that mean?”

My head: “uh oh!….you had to say something didn’t you!”

Not as Drunk guy anymore: “It means I can drive my motorcycle really fast! Look at this tattoo. It’s all scrapped off. This is from me wiping out at 140 miles an hour!”

I heard the points he had gained in the earlier utterance quickly clang, like a cash register on a game show, into a huge deficit!

Me: Wow! I guess that means that “you behaved stupidly!”

Then I giggled to myself knowing that there was no way he knew that I was quoting the president…and then I thought…I should make t-shirts that say that…then I was in my car driving home…huh…I wonder where that guy went?…I honestly don’t know the end of that story. I must’ve turned away from him and went on with my business or something. Wow! When I’m done with a conversation, I sure am done. But, perhaps I could’ve spent even less time on him once he flipped me off earlier? It is interesting that women spend so much time making “nice” because they are afraid that someone might think that they aren’t. It’s like dating a guy you don’t like who treats you badly because you second-guess your own gut feeling that he isn’t right for you! How many times do we have to wait to be dumped because we don’t want to be the bad guy and then think, “Wait! I didn’t like you first! You can’t just un-like me!” (Then if you’re type “A” like me, you actually try to get him back because you want the last word!) There’s nothing wrong with recognizing that someone isn’t right for you and dismissing it! Trying to make something fit that isn’t supposed to is a silly waste of time. Clear out your closet of things that don’t fit and make room for one great outfit that does!…cause one day you may look into your closet and find a row of size 0 dresses flipping you off!