Three 30-something Girls…and a baby…

I went to see my nephew today. My sister is definitely feeling the stresses of the 24/7 nature of a baby. My friend and I thought it would be nice to give her a little break and let her take a nap!

Two Childless 30-something Girls: 0 Baby: 0

We went for a long walk across the tiny island we call NYC! We made it about 2 blocks and the baby needed to eat.

Calia: (in ridiculous high pitched baby talk...) Just a second baby!

Baby: (unreceptive to what seems like a reasonable request) whine….

Calia pushes the stroller a little faster and the ‘SUV of strollers’ slams into the base of a scaffolding and spins around throwing her onto her friend’s foot!...oops…sorry!...ouch…I’m sure I probably broke her toe but she’s pretty nice and will never tell me. I will likely be taking her to a foot doctor next week but won’t recall why.

Two Childless 30-something Girls: 0 Baby: 1

We made it to the park and sat down on a bench and gave him his bottle. That went very well. We took turns holding him and taking pictures as though we were tourists who had just found a baby in NYC. I assure you that we looked like we just found this baby too. When the bottle was gone, we weren’t sure if that was all we needed to do. My friend’s phone rang. It was her mechanic:

Friend: The car’s done? Great!...wait…I have a 7 month old baby here. Do we have to burp him or is he self burping at this age?

People were watching as we laughed…even the baby was laughing at us by now!

Two Childless 30-something Girls: 0 Baby: 2

We put him back in the stroller and continued our walk. We got to the seaport and it was absolutely beautiful. The baby was happy and fed and enjoying the 95 degree heat!...wait…just then he started getting a little warm and the sun was in his eyes. We decided to duck into the air conditioning and give him the rest of his bottle. We sat down inside and gave him a little more formula.

Calia: Wait a minute… Maybe he needs changing??

Friend: Oh my God! (she says laughing) You mean we can’t take a baby out for the day and just feed him and that’s it? I’ll check the stroller for diapers.

There was no diaper bag. We laughed even harder.

Friend: (jokingly to passersbys!) Excuse me! You don’t happen to have any wet wipes and diapers do you?

Now…everyone knows that passerbys in NYC really don’t think people who talk to you are all that funny! Of course we were still laughing and that was really all that mattered. They didn’t reply…but I did see one of them trying hard not to acknowledge us with a smile!

Two Childless 30-something Girls: 0 Baby: 3

We decided to head back home! The baby was really fussing and warm by now and we had quite a walk back.

Calia: (Noticing another lady pushing a stroller and carrying a diaper bag, she says under her breath) Hey. I’ll distract that lady. You take her diaper bag!

My friend laughed… then looked at me as if to question whether I was joking or not… and decided against stealing the diaper bag. I was kidding…sort of! Besides…I knew she wouldn’t do it. She’s quite a stickler for the “rules!” The baby was really fussing and upset now so I had to pick him up out of the stroller and carry him. How hard could that be? He’s only 21 pounds and we only have a couple miles to go!...um…Oh!...

Two Childless 30-something Girls: 0 Baby: 4

…Sweating…baby…getting… really… heavy…

Two Childless 30-something Girls: 0 Baby: 5

Two Childless 30-something Girls: 0 Baby: 6

We decided to put the calmed baby back in the stroller where he fell asleep. Within minutes, we made it back home. Sleeping babies are really easy! This baby stuff is cake!

Note to self: Never ask someone like me to watch my baby one day!...and get a Nanny!

The Impersonal Life

Well…I’m a little worried that I have a learning disability right now. I never had one before…but I wasn’t born in the 90’s so they weren’t diagnosing “being a kid” with ADD, ADHD, etc….yet! There was a tiny struggle in 10th grade with proofs but then I figured out that if I actually listened to the teacher while she was talking, I did understand them and got a 96 on the regents exam. So what is wrong with me right now?…I’ll explain: A friend of mine suggested that I needed to read a book called “The Impersonal Life” by Joseph Benner so I could start meditating or mellowing out and focusing on myself a little…actually…I may be making that up. She didn't tell me why she wanted me to read it and I’m 28 pages into it and still don’t have any idea. I haven’t understood a single word of it. Here’s an example of a sentence and you can tell me if I need to get the money back that I spent on about 10 years of higher education. Possibly I have grounds for a lawsuit against the university? Here goes:

“Yes, I AM You, Your SELF; that part of you who says I AM and is I AM;”

uh…WTF? Possibly people have been texting me too much? For some reason, every time something is in caps, I scream it in my head! The strange thing is that this book is advertised as having saved Elvis Presley’s life. …wait…didn’t he die at like 39 or something? Oh crap! …and there is a Graceland version too. Maybe he had the cliff notes or something? You can’t tell me that Elvis was “deeper” than I am? That doesn’t seem right! Wasn’t he the one who was “All Shook Up?”

This is just great! I get a book to help me meditate, take time for myself, relax, not have to be so productive in mind and body all the time…and I’m looking for the cliff notes! I do rush through things sometimes. I think that is also why I hate to date. Some people like the adventure of getting to know someone…they crave the “newness”…I’m just the opposite! I’d rather be issued the cliff notes so I can study ahead so I don’t have to read the irrelevant fine print. I like comfortable…known…being able to complete each other’s sentences. I guess that means that I skip over all the good parts? Oh no! I do that in life? …Well! Isn’t this a fine how do you do? I hate all this self-reflective garbage! It’s like I always say… “You don’t die of anything until you’re diagnosed with it!”

…well…at least now I don’t have to read that darn book!…I got the point. I am going to flip to the last page and see how it ends though! ;)

Is it hot enough for you?

I have to say that I’m pretty sick of complainers! It’s 90 degrees and humid today. Every 5 minutes a warning comes across the screen telling people that they should avoid strenuous activities, wear light clothing, and drink plenty of fluids! Uh…duh? Is this the first time anyone’s ever been to earth in the summer time? That’s right warning writers! We are all complete idiots and we had no idea that when we stepped outside in our snowsuits…in July…that it was an improper choice of attire. I have to wonder if they are just coming up with things to write for job security. I’m just waiting for the day that I’m watching CSI and the television starts beeping, as it cuts the sound out of the most important scene by the way, to say, “Warning…Johnny has just stepped out of the warning office to go to the bathroom! The following warning areas are affected by this and should maintain vigilance of unwarned hail, snow, rain, heat, bomb threats, etc…You name it, you are officially unprotected and should use your own devices while Johnny, the warning writer, has stepped into the restroom! We repeat: Johnny the warning guy is unable to warn you at this time! If anything catastrophic occurs, you will not be instructed to tune to another station, you will not be given periodic updates, you will not…oh wait…Johnny has returned and there is no threat assessed at this time. We now return you to your regular programming already in progress.”…We are quickly becoming a world of people who can’t think for ourselves. Whether it be knowing how hot it is outside, or how to feel about politics depending on the media slants of whatever channel you’re watching. We are constantly being influenced by what the puppet masters of the world want us to believe. I love my GPS! That being said though…Have you ever noticed that when you follow its instructions for every turn, you could get somewhere and have no idea how to get back if it stopped working? I think I’m going to try to observe things for myself for a few days and see how that goes for me. Like for instance today…I’m going to take off this long sleeved, black pantsuit (that I just went for a run in) and put on…let’s say…a sun dress!…and yes! It is hot enough for me!…It’s freakin’ summer!

“Mainstream”

A friend of mine just facebooked me and invited me to go to a bone marrow drive. ...um...does it sound selfish that that doesn't actually sound like fun to me? I should really go back and re-read that invitation a little closer. I mean…I’d love to share…but that doesn’t exactly sound like a fun, 2 hour party with orange juice and hip hop. Is it just me? I worry sometimes that I'm just not "mainstream" enough. This may have been my problem all along. I used to invite my friends over in elementary school and get them all set up with food, roller-skates and music in my parent’s carriage house and then go inside to practice my flute. It seemed right to me then…but…looking back on it now, I’m not sure that this was common practice for a 10-year-old girl? In high school I used to sit and play the piano while I made up random thoughts to go with the chord progressions. Perhaps I was a little bit different than the other kids. The funny thing is that now, “un-cool” seems to be the new “cool.” People flock to me like I’m the pied piper (nice flute reference huh?) Children walk up to me off the street and throw their arms around me. One little girl said that she wanted to be just like me when she grew up. Oh!…eh…!…Honey, be very careful with that!… But I suppose that she could do worse. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that if that dream of hers worked out, she’d be spending night after night laughing alone at her own piffy wittery! Then again, by then, hopefully the boys who are growing up today will be a little more accepting of women who are walking to the beat of their own drum. (And actually, judging from how useless some of these guys are getting these days, they just may need a girl who can bring home the bacon… and write a song about it!) …I guess I sort of am “the girl next door” of the future…of course the guy next door to me is growing weed and I accidentally weed whacked some of it on the edge of the property the other day. Oops…sorry! My bad!

Oh well…I suppose it is interesting that there is so much room in this world for differences. I was told once that everyone is crazy and all you need to do to find a “partner in crime”, is find someone whose “crazy” lines up and compliments yours. Oh no! Does that mean that I can’t just go out with a mainstream guy? Crap! Foiled again!

Why do guys keep flipping me off?

I can’t figure out why this always happens to me. I was singing at a wedding last night and a guy walked up to me while I was singing, all sweaty, drunk, and “dancy”. This is how it went:

Drunk guy: “uh…this…isn’t…uh…if you weren’t so…uh?”

Me: “um,…bouncy?”

Drunk guy: “no. BEAUTIFUL!”

Me: “oh! Thank you!”

Drunk guy: “If you weren’t so beautiful, I’d tell you this isn’t music.”

Me: “Oh! Well then! Lucky me! I’m sure glad I am!…run along now!” (then I pointed to the dance floor and he actually went away)

The guy was definitely dancing and having a lot of fun but had clearly had a few! I guess he was in the “Mony Mony” stage of his drunkenness and we weren’t playing that! We went on break and I was sitting with my band in the other room. That same guy walked near us and paused before he opened the restroom door to enter to look at me a few feet away. I smiled and said, “Don’t go into the ladies’ room!”…He looked at the triangle-skirted diagram on the door with the word, “Ladies” printed underneath, smiled a little, flipped me off, and then turned and walked into the men’s room instead! I actually can’t tell you how many times this has actually happened!…well…not the ladies’ room thing…but the flipping off thing. To me, it doesn’t seem like the best way to pick up a girl in a pretty dress. What do I know though? Maybe it’s worked for him in the past?? Women are funny these days. I actually think that we have allowed men to get away with very bad behavior at times. Are we that afraid that if we don’t allow ourselves to be treated without respect that we will run out of guys to date? I think we’ve taught men that this is the case. In that regard, we are our own worst enemies!

…Later in then night, the guy was dancing in his t-shirt…yeah…somehow his nice blue shirt, that had almost made him presentable, was missing, and his tattoo infested arms and back were showing. I tried to look away as not to gawk at the mess! Look away!…look away…If you can’t see him, he can’t see you! (Darn the theatre! I still believe that! How many times have I closed my eyes hoping that someone wouldn’t notice me and walk on by only to open one eye and see them startlingly, right in front of my face?… “oh…oops…sorry…I…um…was just trying to see if light comes through my eyelids…hee hee?…um…Hi!”)… He walked right back up to me. I have to say that he was actually very nice. He said that I did a great job and he was impressed that we could play instruments. Then he continued:

Not as Drunk guy anymore: “I can’t play any instruments…except guitar hero…and even that I have to play on beginner”

My head: “…ok…that was actually funny. He just gained a point or two.”

Not as Drunk guy anymore: “I do have these tattoos though!”

My head: “Look away…don’t say anything”

Me: “And what does that mean?”

My head: “uh oh!….you had to say something didn’t you!”

Not as Drunk guy anymore: “It means I can drive my motorcycle really fast! Look at this tattoo. It’s all scrapped off. This is from me wiping out at 140 miles an hour!”

I heard the points he had gained in the earlier utterance quickly clang, like a cash register on a game show, into a huge deficit!

Me: Wow! I guess that means that “you behaved stupidly!”

Then I giggled to myself knowing that there was no way he knew that I was quoting the president…and then I thought…I should make t-shirts that say that…then I was in my car driving home…huh…I wonder where that guy went?…I honestly don’t know the end of that story. I must’ve turned away from him and went on with my business or something. Wow! When I’m done with a conversation, I sure am done. But, perhaps I could’ve spent even less time on him once he flipped me off earlier? It is interesting that women spend so much time making “nice” because they are afraid that someone might think that they aren’t. It’s like dating a guy you don’t like who treats you badly because you second-guess your own gut feeling that he isn’t right for you! How many times do we have to wait to be dumped because we don’t want to be the bad guy and then think, “Wait! I didn’t like you first! You can’t just un-like me!” (Then if you’re type “A” like me, you actually try to get him back because you want the last word!) There’s nothing wrong with recognizing that someone isn’t right for you and dismissing it! Trying to make something fit that isn’t supposed to is a silly waste of time. Clear out your closet of things that don’t fit and make room for one great outfit that does!…cause one day you may look into your closet and find a row of size 0 dresses flipping you off!

What? You’re only 32? Did you take that picture of yourself in the future?

I am really starting to wonder about people these days. I know…I’d hate to say it…don’t tell anyone…and I’m going to whisper this…shh…I think people may lie sometimes! THERE! I said it. Apparently not everyone is terrific and wonderful and has a glimmer of beauty in them. Shoot! My rosie glasses that are half full of hope for society have been poured over my head a few too many times now. A guy on yahoo contacted me because he thought he’d like to get together sometime. I’m sure he’s very nice but he said he was 32. Okay. 32 is good. I’d email him for a few weeks and then he will likely either disappear or stalk me. (There’s really nothing in between with me for some reason. I’m certain this is something I’m doing and will take full responsibility for this. My dating life has always been a little bit manic-depressive!…but then again…I suppose that’s better than ADD dating. At least in the manic stage, you can have a little fun…and the depressive stage leaves a little extra time to kick back...do a little eating...watch some TV!)

Anyway…the 32 year old…What exactly was he thinking when he sent his picture? If he was indeed 32 years old, he had apparently been overworked or had done a lot of drinking, smoking, been in a few dog-fights, raised 15 children, been a crack addict, etc… Don’t get me wrong…I’m not saying that he didn’t look good…well… I suppose I am… but I didn’t want to sound harsh! Actually, if he had told me he was 50 years old, I wouldn’t have noticed that he didn’t look all that great. What was he thinking? I always tell the truth right up front. I’m 23. hee hee… Okay. Not really. I usually say that I am 62 so the person says, “Wow! You look really great for your age!” I guess I just can’t figure out what good it would be to lie about your age?? What if you get to know each other and one day the two of you go to the DMV? Personally…I like to save myself the trouble of being surprised and cut off a leg and count the rings right when I meet a guy! There’s really no reason to try so hard to be something you’re not. What if he likes the person you’re pretending to be? How could you ever be her forever? Now…I know that I take this to the extreme (quite unsuccessfully I might add!). I like to act as annoying as possible and point out all of my ridiculous flaws right on the first date. That way there are no surprises. I’ll order something that has walnuts in it and swell up beyond recognition to the point of being truly the ugliest I could ever be… or have an asthma attack and throw a temper tantrum over the guy having dog hair on his clothes! That gives me the opportunity to say, “Well. I tried! He just didn’t like who I am!”

Look the other way…??

I have to wonder if people even notice anything around them at all anymore? I say this because I was at the store the other day and as I walked in, there was a guy with the top of a parking meter, pouring the change out of it into the coin-star machine. Um…

(eye blink ….)

Well…um…I looked around….this place was full of cashiers, front desk supervisors, customers…um…Hello? (the voice in my head echoed as though saying, “Now,ow,ow, batt,at,ing,ing,ing) I must’ve been being punked or something. No one noticed that there might be something a tiny bit criminal going on here? I walked up to the guy who was clearly security for the store. I knew who he was because he was acting like he wasn’t. “Excuse me sir?… (I pointed to the guy with the parking meter) Does that seem right to you?” He looked and said, “Oh. We know him. He does that all the time.”…uh…my mistake! I replied, “Okay then. You don’t mind if don’t feel like paying for my groceries today then do you?” …the guy, (with the letters on his shirt that read “definitely not store security”) seemed a little confused as I walked away laughing to myself! I have to wonder if he isn’t really the best at his job though. I mean…if you have one job description- “Store Security”, and you aren’t “securing the store”, you are sort of 100% bad at your job. That’s why I like to have a bunch of different things that I do in my job so if I don’t feel like doing one of them very well that day, I’m not disappointed in myself.

I thought it was interesting that so many people turned away from human responsibility hoping that someone else would take the time out of their day to deal with it. I worry that we all should think about this in many areas of our lives. If we’re always looking the other way, will we ever be aware enough to see what’s right in front of us?

Why do I attract much older men?

Clearly I have a problem. I have such a great life in every single way…but…I meet some pretty wacko guys. Now, I don’t want anyone to think that I’m not taking the blame on this. I am! For some reason, I bring these ridiculous meetings into my life! So what is wrong with me? Clearly I’m putting something out that says, if you already have a family and are looking to get me killed by your ex-wife, who is my mother’s age, ask me out ! I first recognized it when my last boyfriend and I had broken up and got a phone call at work from a doctor who was 15 years older than me. He said, “Hey! I heard you broke up with your boyfriend and thought you like music, I like music, you have a functioning uterus…” I think he may have gone on but I don’t remember the rest of the conversation. I remember thinking, “Hmm…that’s strange. I wonder if the entire medical community is aware of the condition of my uterus?” Then I felt strangely at ease. I mean…I heard it from a doctor! I had a functioning uterus. This cleared my mind substantially. Check! One last thing to worry about! I was free to do what I want and take the next 15 or so years to meet someone great before I had to worry about that baby thing! Feewww!

A few months later, I was singing and another much older man asked me out. He said, “What do I have to do to get with you?” I said, “I don’t know. Kill me and drag me into the woods?” then smiled and dismissed myself. Recently, 50 and 60 year old men have been positioning themselves next to me on their treadmills at the gym….well…now I’m starting to get a complex. Clearly they must think I’m much older than I am? One of them stood by my machine and asked me to go to dinner. I explained that I was only in my 30’s and hadn’t been married yet. He said, “oh. I’m surprised you’re that old but I’m not married anymore. We should definitely go out!”…wait…confused! Help! If he thought that I was younger than 30 and never married, what was he thinking when he asked me out? I cried that night. Clearly negative energy had taken over my rotting, disappointed carcass with a message that said, “Pick me! I’ll go out with someone my grandfather’s age!” What was I to do?

I came up with a plan: I went to the gym! (I didn't say it was a new plan…it was simply what I do when I can’t think of anything else to do) One man had asked me if I had loosened up my age restrictions yet? Um! No…I had actually decided to drop a few years off the top. Clearly these men, though they were nice, were having some sort of a midlife crisis and had no idea what made sense for them! That was fine for them and it wasn’t my worry…but I have to admit that it was hurting my ego a little bit! Another told me that I was “disgusting” with my age limits…well! That’s not really the best way to get me to want you! I know I’m not a “regular” girl, but honestly, calling me disgusting has never been a great plan when trying to get me to go out with you! I decided that it was time to make a t-shirt and take care of this once and for all! I took care of it with one simple slogan across my chest: “If you can read this, and you are over 42 and have children my age, you are following too closely. If not, my number is (and it was in really small print so only someone under 35 could read it) 555-5555!” Problem solved! Now the older guys flip me off across the gym so I can be left in peace to help the guys my age sound out the words on my t-shirt for their 20 year old girlfriends!…oh geez…

You should walk away when…

On the first date, a man starts talking about his ex wife and how she was “psycho!” You should be very careful. If he calls her psycho, in a couple of weeks he will be telling his buddies that you went “psycho” too and that he has bad luck with women. Also…if his ex-wife is indeed “psycho”, it is very likely that he drove her there in his car that he cheated on her with his secretary in!

A man rolls his Explorer in your front lawn a week after meeting you and then calls you the next day and leaves a message letting you know that he’s Okay!

You come across a guy pulling your garbage can out of his trunk and walking up to your porch with it.

A guy takes you to a small-town bar and when you go into the rest-room, there is a detailed description of a bedroom act etched into the wooden stall door. Would there ever be a woman who would’ve written this?…and…um…Was she actually carrying a knife with her?…or did your date actually etch it into the door himself? No matter- All bad! This is why I always drive myself!…and scan the room for threats upon entry!

A man has 3 high chairs in his kitchen. (This says it all…unless the mother is dead, count me out!)

A guy ties his table number to his head with his tie. (This is never funny!…or cool!)

A guy texts you a couple days after meeting you in the middle of the night and says, “I want to kiss your lips but they aren’t on your face.” (This will likely not do a guy any good…possibly he has just sent it to everyone in his address book hoping that in 4 out of 5 girls surveyed, 1 is drunk enough to invite him over because of his “nice poem!”

A guy texts and emails the whole time he’s with you…If he needs his cell phone as a security blanket, he is either too insecure around you, or he is only listening to every other word and texting another girl who may meet him after you don’t pan out tonight!

A guy thinks it’s a compliment when on the first date he tells you, “You are a diamond all covered with manure and on top of it, a thick shell of nail polish and I want to take a chisel and chip away at the nail polish, then take a cloth and wipe away the manure and view the shiny luster that’s underneath!” “No offense!” None taken!

You’re making dinner at a guy’s house and he asks you to rotate the silverware to the bottom as you place it back into the drawer so that it is used evenly since there are only two of you using it!

Darn Law of Attraction!

I went on and on yesterday about how I liked to go shopping out of town so I wouldn’t run into anyone. Well! Cocky little thing that I am, I decided that I could run out to the store near my neighborhood with dirty hair and a workout outfit. I figured that if I kept my eyes to the floor and was careful to adjust my regular perky stance to one of disinterest, I would avoid any human contact. I was standing in the pasta aisle (cause where else would I be?) and someone said, “Well! Hello!”…ignore her…ignore her…She repeated, “Hello!”…darn! foiled!…I was busted. There was no way that she couldn’t see me even if I closed my eyes and pretended to be 3 inches tall. I needed to turn on my personality. We stood there and talked for about 20 minutes, me, with nothing in my cart as I moved from side to side of the aisle to allow angry shoppers to pass me. “Hi! Thank you. Excuse me. Hi! Thank you. Excuse me…giggle” …Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the conversation, but I was really not in the conversation mode when I arrived on the scene! We said our goodbyes and I looked at my watch to see how much time I had to finish my quick shopping trip. Relieved that I still had a few minutes to get what I had on my list, I dashed off to the next aisle where another lady struck up a conversation with me. (Darn law of attraction. I brought this all on myself by talking about it in my blog yesterday!) I tried to simply say, “Hello! It’s nice to see you. Have a great holiday”, then continue walking, but it wasn’t in the cards. She said, “Did Mary tell you that she lost her cat?”…Oh my God!…(I thought to myself, ‘this isn’t happening. There is no topic less interesting to me than cats!…I’m sure this is just a dream.”)…”She just had to put him down last night!” she continued. (wait…I thought the cat was lost?…What the heck?) “That’s too bad”, I replied. We talked about barn cats, hunting cats, cats that keep people from being lonely, kids who like cats, the way cats make little fur balls out of their winter coats, what cat food cats prefer,…the musical “Cats” (which, by the way, was the only thing I actually knew about cats, though I was quite certain that I’ve never known anyone who had a cat that could sing the song, “Memory.”) My mother has a cat in the house these days though. I’m not sure how that happened? We were always the sort of people who thought that having animals inside a house where people lived was detrimental to the well-being of man-kind…BUT- now there’s a damn cat in the house. One day, the cat disappeared while my mother was out of town and we spent 3 days searching for it. My sister even left her headlights on as she searched the acreage by their glow so my mother wouldn’t worry while she was out of town. 3am, I got a call from her telling me that her battery had died and she wanted me to pick her up and drive her home. Freakin’ cat! I told her to take my mother’s car because there was no way I would be picking her up for such a stupid reason. Oh well…the cat is still alive…and in the house…and furry…and eventually I’m going to have to feel like crap about this because there’s really no way it will outlive me. Again…a great reason not to have cats! It’s hard enough to keep people alive, let alone caring about something with the life expectancy of something like 20 years?…and the brain the size of a…well…cat’s!…I’m just saying that cats don’t seem to know enough to stay out from under cars!…Oh well…I digress!
So my shopping trip…I finally slipped through the line with my nearly empty cart and my dirty hair an hour or so later. I don’t even remember why I went to the store…but I don’t think I got it. I’m sure I’ll be looking for whatever it was that I needed later. Better luck next time! Note to self: do your hair next time you go to the store!! Even more, next time I don’t want something to happen, I will definitely not write it in this blog! It’s a magical blog that makes every wish come true!…What we complain about, comes about!…

The Exorcism of Calia Roze

I actually talked to a psychic this weekend. She saw me with a “water” guy who was younger than me. She said that he was a sailor and had a boat. I came home thinking… “Hmm…I like to drink water. Maybe she was wrong and that guy is actually the CEO of the FIJI water distributors…and hopefully that boat is an ocean liner?” Don’t get me wrong…it sounds like I like wealthy guys. Actually it’s not that at all. I like driven, intense guys, and with drive comes success and the healthy self image that I’m attracted to. I guess that I can’t see myself with a guy in a Hawaiian shirt sailing into the breeze. Actually…come to think of it, I’d have to get rid of all my clothes and pick up some shorts somewhere? Who is this Simon and Simon guy that she’s picturing me meeting? I’m really more like a Bond girl…but even then, I’d rather that no one drop me from an airplane in my evening gown. Clearly my energy was bad as she came near me! I needed to “exercise the demons!” So I went to the gym. …what? It wasn’t like I could go to my priest at 3am and explain that he needed to keep me from meeting someone who liked to go outside? He already thinks that I’m crazy. You can’t tell me that Papal Law keeps him from snickering with his dog later than night! I can see it now: “What do you think Spot? The blonde girl wants God to help her not meet a guy who will take her near nature.”… “Rooof, rooof, Father…but I’d love to pee on her Prada shoes!” …Now that’s just mean!

I got to the gym and a guy came up next to me. We started talking. He was spending the weekend on his boat. I looked at him, thought about how it might feel to swim in a body of water other than a hot tub and said, “That’s nice. Have fun! I need to finish up my workout! Have a great weekend.” And in that instant, I had successfully changed my fate. Problem solved. Nature demons “exorcised!” …and that’s how I seized one moment and changed my future forever! I continue to watch for that suited, cocky businessman who will sweep me off of my feet and spend the rest of his living years trying to make me miserable! … Just the way I like it…

Possibly I don’t blend in very well?

I went to hear my friend’s band this afternoon. It was a pretty crazy sight in this bar in Pennsylvania. Tattoos all over everyone...and all sorts of hot wings and cheese steaks! - not exactly a place that I fade into the background! After a little while, I ventured inside to find the ladies room where I learned a valuable lesson: I should always check the bathrooms when I first get to a place before I decide to stay or not! Etched into the wooden door with some sort of a knife, there was that age old saying that every girl aches to write on the wall-"Graham f**ks like he has *&agra running through his veins!" ah! That's nice! I dismissed myself soon after, realizing that this was not my kind of place as I scanned the crowd to try to identify “Graham”? (I was very curious...he was sort of like a train wreck that I couldn't look away from! Clearly there was something up with him?? I mean...what woman in her right mind would've written that on the wall? He had to have written it himself!) As I walked out, I thought it would be best to try to fit in with the clientele a little better. I broke a beer bottle over the bartender's head and held it up yelling, "I'll cutcha man! I'll cutcha!"...and backed out with evil in my eyes as I flipped my hair and clicked the automatic starter on my volvo! I drove like a demon until my GPS system stopped chanting that dreaded word that represents complete and utter abandonment in the backwards sticks of the woods - recalculating! Once the sweet British girl stopped her relentless nagging, I knew then, I was safe!

What’s she hiding from?

How can it be that day after day, a person can feel so positive and able to turn anything into a “good thing” and then one day, something trivial happens and the next 4 or 5 days end up being a waste? I need to wrap my mind around something at all times. When I’m not working towards a goal, I get useless really quickly. People may ask “what is she hiding from?” I think that they may have that wrong…or at least I hope they do! If the highs are so high and the lows turn days into weeks, what exactly is the problem? I have a theory. Not everyone has absolutely everything that they want out of life. As a matter of fact, I’ve even heard people say, “you can’t have it all!” …What? I can’t? Well…that’s unacceptable! Yes I can. Who are these people who are telling me that I can’t have it all anyway? Are they people who don’t have it all? Or are they people who are afraid that I just might be able to have it all myself? The point is that everyone has bad days and people are always searching for something. The catch is that while they are searching to fill that missing piece of themselves, they can either choose to fill the empty space with positive thoughts and gratitude for the things they already have, or sadness over the lack of what they are searching for. I choose gratitude. The trouble with filling the space with negative behavior or thoughts is that negative behavior can easily spill over into the other areas of a person’s life. People tell me that it’s okay to feel bad once in a while. I agree. But how many people do you know who can just feel bad for one day and wake up the next ready to start again. It sounds like a good idea but often it takes more work to undo the negative self-talk from the day before than to just do your best to reprogram it in the moment! Take an alcoholic for example. If someone has been alcohol-free for 6 months and one small trigger takes aim at him, taking that drink will undo all of the good that has been done. A person without that vice would say, “That’s okay. It’s all about moderation!” That person doesn’t get it! That one drink will likely turn into weeks of drinks. One tiny trigger has the ability to unravel 6 months worth of positive behavior. Now… I recognize that not everyone can be happy all the time, but no one can afford to throw day after day away to something that’s missing! There’s nothing wrong with a person who fills that empty space with productivity. Would dwelling in lack bring what was missing? I don’t think so. We can have it all even if we don’t have it all yet. Why not spend “yet” in the most positive way we can?

You need a 24-hour job!

A friend (well…I suppose he isn’t really a friend, cause he definitely doesn’t get me) told me the other day that he thinks I need a 24 hour job. I thought that this was a little strange. Why should I work more often than other people and why did he think I should? I suppose that it was just his way of recognizing the lightening speed at which I move. This was a pretty good observation on his part, considering that he had never even given me more than 5 minutes of his time. Possibly he knew me better than I thought? I am driven and excited and forging ahead on a project nearly every waking moment. I overheard a scene from a TV show in the next room the other night while I was spectrum analyzing the background noise from a recording I had made in order to test out a new piece of software…uh…see? Projects! Every minute needs to be worthwhile or else it’s a waste! …In this scene, the girl ran into the room and told a guy she had recently broken up with, “You are an underachieving, lazy, laidback, musician who is content to ‘just be’ and I am an overachieving, driven, type ‘A’ personality who isn’t content unless I’m working towards a goal. You are valium!” He looked at her and said, “and you are Red Bull!…but I choose you!” I suppose what I’m wondering is, how many Red Bulls does it take until your heart explodes? I am never attracted to ‘valium’. As a matter of fact, I was watching an older man walking down the street so slowly one day that I nearly had a nervous breakdown. I watched for about 5 minutes as he passed…one foot slowly in front of the other…I heard the music to the scene playing in my head as the tempo slowed to a near stop… I even envisioned myself running out and saying, “Here! I got this. Where do you need to be?” Then I picked him up and started running with him under my arm like a football…. So whose problem is this? … Now…I’m not saying I’m going to change drastically so don’t get your hopes up that I’m enlightened and you’re going to find me sitting in silence on my front porch sipping tea in slow motion as the clouds push overhead and day turns into night! … As a matter of fact, that visual almost made me feel like I was going to throw up (which I wouldn’t do either because I’d never harm my vocal chords!- too bad too…that makes me, quite possibly, the most underachieved bulimic ever!) What I am saying is that possibly I’m out of alignment with the type of guy I should date? I am repelled by underachievers and drawn to “Red Bull!” The guy who told me that I need a 24-hour job actually has one himself! He doesn’t even like me. He never has! Maybe the reason for this is that when he looks at me, he sees his own reflection? Probably. He doesn’t matter though. I don’t need to spend any more time convincing him that I’m good. But possibly I could spend some time adjusting my level of acceptance for the “valium” guy?…wait…nope…I almost just threw up on myself again! … Guess I need a new plan. I’ve gotten nowhere with this thought! Oh boy…

…to be continued…

I’ll give you $100 if you take those shoes off!

I was trying to sing the other night and was so distracted by an outfit a woman was wearing. She had brown and white espadrilles with a ribbon tied around each ankle. I kept looking over and my eyes would be sucked to the floor and I’d completely forget my lyrics. Now… I’m all for a woman’s right to choose- but this was actually the wrong choice. (oh boy...I guess that sort of means that a woman has the right to choose…as long as it is my choice? darn…I need to work on this. I guess I’ll have to call it “one woman’s right to choose.” …sorry…Oh well…baby steps Calia! ...Don’t get me wrong- I do like a cute pair of espadrilles once in a while. Just not with a dress at a formal event. It’s funny how some people can almost get it right. It’s the equivalent to putting on a beautiful strapless wedding gown and then accidentally having all of your wedding pictures taken with a beer bottle in your hand. If you’re gonna do it, go all out! Just wear a sweatsuit... or a pair of jeans or something…and pick your nose...

Ozzie and Harriet

I was watching Ozzie and Harriet last night…well…actually…I don’t drink and I had 4 oz of wine and was having trouble changing the channel – so I watched Ozzie and Harriet. I suppose what I’m wondering is, why was everyone so overdressed? Was it always winter in black and white? Weird! The thing about black and white days (and I’m not quite sure if the world took place in black and white or if it was just television?), was things were much simpler then. People seemed to treat each other with more respect. They said “please, thank you,…I liked it when, I’m proud of you for…” People don’t tend to do that anymore. The little things are disregarded as unnecessary and the big things are just things that people feel “entitled” to. Have you noticed that caller ID has even made it so most of us don’t even say “hello” when we answer the phone anymore? When I call people, sometimes before even saying anything, I will hear, “Yes Calia?”, or “I have to call you back”, or my favorite, “Stalker, I’m eating a grilled cheese sandwich.” – Okay…that’s a long story that still makes me giggle after a few years have past now but one day I’ll upload the song I wrote the guy after he said that. One of my best by the way!

I guess what I am wondering is if we need to go back to “Pleasantville” and treat people with a little more respect- as though we are surprised and happy to hear from them and that we really appreciate the little things that they do. I don’t think we need to dress like Ozzie and Harriet and those children, who looked about 60 years old by the way…Anyone have any idea what was up with that? Anyway…I’m going to try to simply say “hello” when I answer the phone today…then I’ll act surprised when the person on the other end identifies him/herself. I hope they don’t send the doctors with the rubber coat…again…

Out with the old, in with the…well…nothing…

Why is it easier for us to get through a day when we have a little something in the line of attention from the opposite sex? I think it is so strange that even being treated badly is somehow better than not being treated in any way at all. I think that may be our problem. I have been keeping people in my life who don’t treat me well for fear of not having anyone in my life at all, for years now. I think I’ve uncovered the formula to this though:

A (attention)=MC (male crap)2

This simple equation is what is holding so many of us back. Our minds are cluttered with a whole lot of nothing! The minute we dismiss these people who are occupying space in our lives where good people should be, the good people will quickly enter! Don’t get me wrong…I’m not saying that the people who are treating us badly are “bad” people. I’m sure they are perfectly fine in their own right. The fact is though, that the way they are treating us indicates that they are only in our lives to suck attention from us while giving very little in return. They can live that way. A little bit of nothing works for them. It doesn’t work for me. I am certain that once I purge these sorts of people from my life, there will be room for more of the right kind of people who want to share in my world and recognize the gifts I have to offer them other than mindless attention that requires little work on their part! The fact is that people want to work for what they believe in. I’ve given all that I have and someone who can’t see how lucky he is to know me doesn’t deserve to say he knows me at all. I think what we all should do is figure out who that person in our lives is and delete him from our phone and email address book, have ourselves hypnotized to not remember the order of the digits as they are dialed in the phone, go to his new house to pick up our pie plates and cookie dishes… and walk free of him! Today is the start of something amazing. I can feel the freedom of having no one in my head already. I finally have room for someone great! Have a very happy day everyone!

Mystery Solved!

Have you ever been in “talks” with a guy and it seemed like he would only text message you? I’ve had a guy friend for many years now who text messages me to ask what I am up to, make plans to see me, or say little things like “hello sexy!” The strange thing is that I always answer him playfully, or in some cases, I have asked him to call me if I wasn’t in a place where I could text (ie: driving or working on something). The next day I would realize that he said “ok”, or “I’ll call you when I get home,” and then just never did. I would think, “Hmm. That was weird. Oh well. Maybe I hallucinated that. I did eat a lot of cheese sticks last night.” This same guy hung out with a friend of mine at one point and seemed to be very interested! He even text her all night from a hockey game while he was out with the guys! He must’ve been interested to spend his time out with the guys giving her most of his attention, right? … um…WRONG! There has been some late breaking news on this topic: It is now 5 years later and I just figured it out. (I’m embarrassed to say that it took me this long so someone had better learn from this entry so I haven’t just been made a fool of for no reason at all!) He has actually been texting girls while he’s out with the guys specifically to get attention from the guys he’s with- not the girls! We have to remember that sometimes we think that guys have it all together and we need to work to impress them. That is not the case. In some cases, they are just as insecure as we are - or more so! Don’t play with them on this. Anything you text back is going to be shown to a group of guys! Wait for a phone-call!…or try just not responding next time. He’s likely not into you at all! Here’s how I imagine it to go:

Guy: (sitting with friends in bar, picks up cell phone and texts 5 different women in his address book) “Hey Sexy! What are you up to?”

Girl 1: “Hey! Where have you been?”
Girl 2: “Hi! I can’t text right now. Call me!”
Girl 3: “Hey! Thanks for calling me sexy. Here’s a naked picture of me.”
Girl 4: “I’m making dinner for my childen.”
Girl 5: “Do you want to come over later and catch a movie?”

Guy: (turns to guys and laughs as he shows them how popular he is) “Check this out. This girl is so into me. She’s practically stalking me. Check out this picture of her! Women!”


This is why I’m building an ark!

What a night!...um...could someone call a doctor?

I had such a great weekend. I jumped around, danced, sang…even ran up a hill to get my car from the parking lot instead of imposing on the valet – all in high heels and a sun-dress! Actually…that last run up the mountain was a little rough because it was very muddy from the recent rain but I made it to the top without killing myself! Boy! I was feeling empowered. I thought, “there’s nothing I can’t do!” I was listening to my techno in the car and feeling absolutely great. I pulled into my driveway and picked up a speaker from the backseat as I got out. I walked towards the house! Nothing could stand in my way…wait…I tripped a little but caught my balance… judging from that popping sound I just heard coming from the back of my leg as I caught myself from falling, I may have been wrong. Uh oh! Ok…pretend it didn’t happen and keep walking!…No problem…still walking…see that…nothing wrong…I can walk on the other leg instead!…no worries…I have two! Lucky me….uh…I may need some medical attention.

Now what did I learn from this experience? I learned that jumping on a trampoline with only one leg for an extended period of time is not as easy as it may sound! This one may slow me down a little. Tomorrow I may have to jump on that thing with my hands. I wonder if I can do that?…I may need more than medical attention…

That reminds me…I need to stay out of the sun…

While I was singing last night, I was looking around. This is what I do most of the time come to think of it. I get done with a song and wonder how I even got to the end of it…or if I even did. I mean…the song was over and no one was looking at me funny…so I must’ve sung at least some of the verses! I guess my performance is on such autopilot now, that I’ve found completely different activities to take part in with my mind while my body is doing it’s job! I was in the middle of singing a slow song one night and either the music was really low, or I was reading the lips of the people at a table 20 feet in front of me. All of a sudden I found myself singing, “really? Only $90 for a round trip plane ticket?” to the tune of “First time ever I saw your face.” … oops… My mistake! So tonight I was noticing that many women in their 40’s or so still have really great bodies but for some reason, their faces are over tanned, freckled and their hair is unnaturally blonde with black roots. Why is this, I wondered to myself…then I wondered if these women were actually my age and not in their late 40’s at all? I worried that this would happen to me! Would I lose all judgment one day and bleach my hair out and go overboard with the sun? I have been known to like a little tan periodically- nothing crazy, but a little color. I was going over and over it in my head. I actually sort of wished my body was as smokin’ as theirs but couldn’t figure out why they were wearing outfits that should’ve been on their teenaged daughters? I mean…I don’t think I’m there yet. But what if I am?…and I hope that when I’m their age, I’m that skinny!…not anorexic like the one woman because I sort of thought that she would’ve actually looked younger with a little bit of weight on her. Oh my God! Am I actually going to be striving to be healthy and thin beyond the point that it doesn’t matter if I’m thin anymore? Oh boy…I really should’ve just married the manic depressive when I was 24 and called it a day!…yeah…but he was a little off…and I’d likely be divorced…or he would’ve killed me or something. Oh geez… wait…what the heck song is this? Lyrics, someone get me some lyrics!… who would’ve thought that I would be saved from having a nervous breakdown by Abba? Thank you!

Note to self: periodically check to make sure you aren’t too tan, your clothes aren’t too youthful, and your hair isn’t white blonde! …and for God’s Sake, eat a sandwich or something!

Do we ever learn our lesson?

I just put a plate of fiber noodles, salsa and chicken into my microwave. Well…actually I didn’t! My microwave is on top of my refrigerator. I reached up with it and it hit the edge of the door and the entire contents of the plate dumped directly on my head. I paused as I wiped the salsa out of eyes and the sticky noodles from the inside of my tank top….then laughed uproariously and thought, “I’ve been meaning to clean this floor anyway”. The strangest thing about this is that this is not the first time this has happened. I actually got burned on the toppings of a microwave pizza one night as I removed it from that same microwave. Again…I laughed as I frantically tried to pull the peppers out of my sports bra in time to prevent permanent damage. I ask myself: What the heck is wrong with me? Even small children stop touching fire after they get burned once… Nope! Not me! The strangest thing is that I have spent most of my adult life dating this way too. I picked a type in my early 20s and when it didn’t work out with him, I started going after guys exactly like him. As a matter of fact, come to think of it, he even poured a few drinks on my head. What is it about my head that thinks that it needs so much nutrition? I’m going to really think about moving my microwave so it doesn’t happen again… and in that regard, I should consider that my “type” of guy shouldn’t be “my type” at all. Maybe then I can spend less time cleaning up my own messes!

Tuna patties made without breadcrumbs do not a “patty” make!

I had this great idea yesterday. Tuna patties! I like to take in a good amount of protein and I was getting sick of drinking liquid egg-whites. I decided to take some tuna and mix it together with some eggs and make tuna patties. This seemed like a really good idea at the time. I put the nicely formed patties on a plate and took them out to the grill. Yum! I was pretty excited to be eating solid food in a few minutes…

The next day…out at the curb… a jogger found a nice grill with a sign on it: PROTEIN ENRICHED GRILL – FREE!

Too much energy?

So I was wondering about the guy that we put too much energy into? Why is there always one person who wastes an incredible amount of our time? It seems like we all have one. I walked away from mine nearly 4 years ago when I met him thinking, “wow! He is fantastic! He is the reason I’ve gone through what I’ve gone through.” So how can we be so wrong sometimes? Even if it is the case, it depends on timing and on whether he is willing to be there with you. What a ridiculous mess! Every time I gain some ground where he is concerned and realize that he isn’t ever going to come around and appreciate what I have to offer him, he walks through the door again to drag me back in. Am I really that stupid? I don’t think that I’m stupid. It’s quite obvious to me that he doesn’t like me…I mean…how many times has he made a plan with me and simply not shown?…or how many times has he looked at the phone with my name, stored as “crazy stalker” on it as it rings and laughed and ignored it? I don’t think I am the only one who feels this way. I have always liked him and he has not liked me in equal proportion. So what do I want with him? Do I have something to prove? Not really. There is absolutely nothing more that I could say or do to show him that I’m a nice person. Actually…I am a nice person. I’m just not sure that he knows that or even cares if it’s true or not! Oh well. So what are my choices? …well…I could waste another 4 years on him…or I could simply realize that the timing has never been right with us and walk away. He says he wants to keep someone at “arms length.” I'm not really that person. I'm more like the real deal. He could find anyone on the street for that. I suppose that I give up. He won’t play with me so I’m taking my ball back and going home! If only it were easy! It’s like playing bingo at a church bazaar. You win $5 and then you keep playing until you lose $100. I suppose the $5 that I win every so often that ties me up for hours isn’t worth the $100 I’m wasting by not moving on and caring about someone who wants to, or has time to care about me. I suppose I have to wish him luck and move ahead. I guess I was wrong about him. Strange…

Um…what?

Since when is a lack of response an acceptable form of rejection? I have to say that I’m not a fan of it. I can be communicating all day with someone in a text message or through email and then all of a sudden, as though the person has dropped their phone in the toilet- nothing! I have to say that this drives me absolutely insane. Do they think that I don’t know that they have read it and once a period of time passes, the offer no longer requires a response? I mean…he was getting all of the other messages in real-time. I know because there had been instant replies…things like “yeah…It’s really hard to text in the shower”…or “that lady in the line next to me just got mad because I was texting you”…(Don’t even get me started on how rude it is that there is so much cell phone use in public places!…) So what about, “Hey! Do you want to come over and watch a movie?”, warrants no response? Personally I would’ve thought, “hmm…she knows that I have a blackberry and I have been emailing her all day from my car. I bet she’ll know that I have access to this email.” This would’ve logically produced a stream of words in my head. Something like...let’s see…um… "no thanks I’m busy.”… “I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to be alone with you cause I find you extremely hot.”… “I’m washing my hair tonight.”… really anything would do! I have to say that saying nothing gets the job done: It tells me that you have very bad social etiquette and obviously you’re in love with me!…That’s the point you meant to get across right? …geez…that’s so nice…but I’m not sure I can commit to you at this time. (See how that works people? Communication!)

I ride my bike in the woods…

So I was singing tonight and in another room, there was another band with a very crunchy but attractive soundman. He wasn’t my usual type but he was the type I used to like when I was around 20- lots of hair, a little dirty, band guy! I have since changed that…and come to think of it, I’m not sure when I did?…hmm… Now my type is usually a very type ‘A’, overachieving businessman, usually thin, eats right almost all the time. I tend to find these guys very attractive! Anyway…the soundman- I talked to him for a few minutes and then I asked him what he does. He replied, “I ride my bike in the woods.”…um…does this mean that he is way too young for me? …or does it mean that he is a complete idiot? …I’m not sure that there is a good answer to that question. I’m going to give the guy the benefit of the doubt and assume that he must only be 23 or so and he is on summer vacation from college and he is regenerating before the new semester of his MBA starts. Ah! That’s much better!…wait a minute though…Judging from the fact that he just called the eq on the mixer, “those little knobby things”, I’m not thinking the guy is a rocket scientist…or an MBA! Crap!

What’s the moral of this story? Maybe it is that if a guy has so much hair he has to put it in small braids, he probably doesn’t hold a stressful job?…or maybe it’s that I am strangely attracted to younger guys. Darn! He really seemed very promising…in a “maybe there’s a picture book version of Pride and Prejudice” kinda way… or possibly I could just ask him not to talk??

What would you do if you won the lottery?

I was talking to a friend tonight and we were discussing the fact that people seem to count off the days until they don’t have to work again. I was wondering how anyone could go through life doing something that they couldn’t wait to be over? My friend said, “Well…what haven’t you done that you’ve always wanted to do?” um…well…I do everything in the world that I would ever want to do. In fact, I do it the second it comes to my head! There is absolutely no job that I would ever choose for myself that I don’t already have. I turned all my hobbies into jobs to the point of not really even having hobbies anymore…wait a minute…I need a new hobby! I loved to sing- I became a singer, I loved to work out- I became a certified personal trainer/fitness instructor… The only thing I would ever go back and do differently is regarding my relationships. If I had it to do over again, I would take the scarf that I was wearing when my last boyfriend (of 4 years) broke up with me 4 weeks into the relationship because it wasn’t made by “Burberry”, tie him up with it and then call our travel agent to come marry him 4 years earlier than she did so I could meet someone nice to have a family with. Well…I can’t exactly do it over again…but I do have a trunk full of non-designer scarves for any occasion that may arise with any man who may think it would be fun to spend time with me but not like anything about me!...I think that’ll be a great place to start!...geez…I hope the girls they are already dating are smart enough to find them in time!

Welcome to Civilization

I was at a wedding tonight and the priest talked about the fact that the brother of the groom replied, “welcome to civilization” when his brother told him that he was getting married. I actually think that the priest was as offended by this as I was but I’m not sure because I couldn’t quite understand a word he said. Strangely enough, it seems that many priests have thick accents these days. I think it may be because American families aren’t staying together long enough to raise their children to be priests anymore? I’m not sure.

Anyway…welcome to civilization: I have to think that part of this is absolutely correct. I don’t really fit into any social category at this moment. I could hang out with divorced people but they are searching for a fresh start and still have to put their children to bed. I could hang out with 20 somethings…but they seem to be drinking an awful lot…and tattooing themselves out of control to the point that I have to follow young girls in strapless tops around with coverup stick so that they don’t look like they just stepped out of the neighborhood strip club. There is really no niche for the 30something educated, single/never been married, no children, girl next door. Too bad too! I find myself extremely amusing!

I suppose that I will just continue to make myself laugh, workout, entertain random texting relationships that may or may not end (I’m never sure) and love my freedom and enjoy every single moment…cause one day when I do have someone telling me “welcome to civilization”, there will be some girl giggling at me as I walk into some gated community of people with long faces, very little sleep and a healthy animosity towards her as she shuts the door to the gate and bounces off with the key in her hand to find someone who will join her forever, happily on her side of the gate!...My life makes me burst with happiness! I suppose I’ll live it this way for now…outside of civilization!

He didn’t go to college?

I hung out with a guy, just as friends for a few weeks, who was a well known “money guy”. He based all of his self-worth on how much money he had. He didn’t have anywhere to go for thanksgiving so I invited him to come to my family dinner. They didn’t know who he was or anything about him. All they knew of him was from his conversation at the table. After he left, my mother said that he seemed really nice and wondered if he was learning disabled. No Mom. Not that I know of…he just didn’t go to college.

The funny thing is that in my world, money is not synonymous with class! As a matter of fact, in order for me to have clicked with him, he really would’ve needed to enroll in one! I am attracted to people who put energy into their schooling. A college professor with no money at all is far more interesting to me than a wealthy man who “learned from the school of Hard Knocks!” It’s all about what is important to a person and personally, I have no need for a guy wearing a sweatshirt from the campus bookstore that says, “My girlfriend went to college and all she got me was this stupid sweatshirt.” I do suppose we’re even though. That type of guy’s ego wouldn’t allow himself to be attracted to someone like me either. They say that opposites attract but I’ve never met a guy who wanted to be with someone who made his lack on intellect evident! It’s settled then! I don’t want him and he doesn’t want me! – No conflict at all! We’re happier without each other!