Aspirational Regret

I was watching a really deep TV show the other night (Monk) and gained some valuable insight! The obsessive-compulsive character finally got his detective badge back after a 5-year television series about him pursuing it! He held it in his hand at his psychiatrist’s office and was disappointed. He said, “I can’t believe it. I was happy before. Why didn’t you tell me?”…Uh oh!…His Doctor replied, “it’s called aspirational regret.” Now…I only watched about 6 minutes of this episode due to my growing need to move around virtually all the time. That being said, I have no idea if this is even a real psychological term as I’m quite sure that ‘Monk’ isn’t a true story. Who knows how much research the writers had actually done on the topic. Not to mention that I think I ran into the guy who was playing the psychiatrist in a mall in LA one day and due to the fact that he seemed sane, I’m quite sure that he isn’t a real psychiatrist. All that aside, there was definitely something to it. I’ve commented on this topic before but it deserves some more thought. “Why didn’t you tell me I was happy?”…I’m truly happy all the time though there are things that I want out of my life that I don’t have yet and often those are the things that get the most attention. Recently, I ran into a guy who said over and over again, “I want to teach you to be happy and enjoy life.” It actually made me pretty angry. Up until he said that, I was laughing my way through each and every day. Clearly I am going a little nuts having absolutely no adult responsibilities, but other than hoping for some mundane wifely/motherly tasks that I believe to have a deeper meaning than working out, jumping around, playing music and having fun all the time, I’m pretty ridiculously happy. So why did he think I needed so much help to be lifted out of my crap-infested existence? Well…it was one of three things:

• He needs to try to save every woman he meets from herself in order to feel like he's making a difference.
• I have been placing too much emphasis on what I don’t have yet and people are only hearing about that.
• He hasn’t heard a word I’ve said.

Sorry…but I have to go with a combination of the three. Of course I have one main goal that I need to achieve out of life that is the only “non-negotiable” thing that I know I’m meant for- taking care of my husband and children one day. All the rest is fluff! So when people ask, “what are you up to these days?” I reply with a giggle, “writing, singing, working out.” …then I turn evil when the next question is “any new love in your life?”…I think, “oops…oh yeah…I forgot to tell you when you asked me in the previous question what I’m doing, that I got married and had a baby since the last time you asked me…FREAKIN’ LAST WEEK!”…cause I put writing, singing and working out far above the trivial stuff like, um…let’s see…any meaningful events in my life! Thanks for asking though!”…oops…see that? I got a little annoyed there for a second. So now that person will walk away thinking, “geez…she’s really unhappy. I bet she could use a guy to take her out of her misery and enjoy life!”….DARN! I was set up!…For the most part, I have gotten pretty good about giggling off well meaning people who tend to want to drag me into a conversation about what I don’t have yet. BUT- There is an underlying feeling of lack that most single people who want families tend to have. It is likely that this guy has the feelings he is voicing to me as mine and doesn’t know how else to express himself. It doesn’t really matter though. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who thought I needed saving.
So “aspirational regret?”…If I achieve the goal of having a family after desiring it for 30some years, will I ask, “why didn’t you tell me that I was happy before?” It’s a good reason to remind myself right now that I am indeed happy! I JUST WANT MORE! The freedom I have to run and play is intoxicating! I reiterate: I giggle and joke my way through every single day. Possibly I just need to try a little harder not to get into the conversations about the last few unaccomplished goals that I have for my life so people don’t try to convince me that I’m not happy right now and walk away thinking that I need therapy! We could all take a little look at what topics our energy goes to. I’M HAPPY!