Something is seriously going on here…

I hear all the talk about global warming (oops...I mean "climate-change"...that's what they are calling it now right?) It is starting to worry me that living creatures are getting bigger and bigger! I am extremely worried about this issue. Why do people need to wear such large shoes these days? I have seen huge women wearing little tiny high heeled shoes and worried that there’s no way they are going to hold them up. I’m concerned that before my lifetime is over, we are going to be a nation of giants. Fee fi fo fum, I smell an Englishman between two slices of bread with some ketchup on um…

What? No one else thinks it’s a little strange that birds are getting so darn big? The birds I just saw in my yard could’ve moved cinder blocks with their beaks. Here’s a question…why is it raining and sunny almost all the time these days? God? What would you like? I’m with you on this. I’m building an ark!…but I’m gonna need a guy cause my ark is really not going to keep out the flood waters if I build it myself. I don’t exactly come from a place where “useful skills” were really stressed!…unless you consider singing and dancing, “useful!”…believe me… I’m waiting for the day that the government puts out an emergency request for a dancing, singing blonde girl who can strip down a computer and wiretap a phone at the same time! I’ll throw my hand up in the air and yell, “Oh! Oh! Pick me! I can do it! Pick me!”…I just hope that one of these ridiculously large birds doesn’t peck my eyes out first!