Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Uh...I think that the chicken is fine...

I had to get dressed up to go to the grocery store the other day. I know it sounds crazy but my old grocery store chain in my neighborhood that I used to be able to go to in my pajamas, got sold and apparently they don’t carry chicken- or eggs anymore. That sort of answered the age-old question of which came first though – butter. The last time I went in there, I noticed a creamy dessert looking thing smashed into a plastic container. On the label it said, “Miscellaneous by weight!” Oh good! Get me two of those! Miscellaneous by weight is one of my favorite dishes!…So now I need to go the store that everyone goes to. You can’t take any chances with your hair and clothes in there. You never know whom you might run into. I’d hate to walk into my future husband and have to explain that “what I look like right now is the worst case scenario! You should see me sometime after I’ve taken a shower!” It does seem like a lot of extra work but you just can’t get between a girl and her groceries!

I walked up to the chicken department (yeah…there’s a whole department!) and there was a pretty lady picking up every single package of boneless chicken breasts, analyzing it, and then setting it back down! I stood behind her for a while…and by “a while”, I mean FOR FREAKIN’ EVER!…All I know is that I had time to run a monologue through my head about how impressed I was with myself for being so patient…then continue the conversation with my motionless self about what she was actually looking for within the prepackaged chicken…then go back to the thought about how impressively patient I was being for a girl whose heart was about ready to explode from her chest with anxiousness to PICK UP THE DAMN CHICKEN FOR GOD’S SAKE LADY!…eh em!… “Excuse me. (giggle) I guess I’ll just grab one of your rejects. I feel a little guilty about not caring what’s in this package now though!” She smiled and said, “Yeah. And the older I get, the worse it gets!” I replied, “You’re probably right though! I’m sure this package will have salmonella or something!…Oh well! Have a nice day!”…I threw the chicken into my cart and skipped off to find some eggs.

A half hour later, I went through the checkout with enough groceries to serve the homeless for a few months. As I piled them on the counter at the register, the chicken lady walked by me. She only had 2 things in her cart- her handpicked winner of the chicken pageant…and a head of lettuce. I thought, “I wonder if she’ll have to come back tomorrow?…or worse yet, if she’ll ever be able to go home today?”…On a more serious side of this though, I do wonder if my compulsive behavior in many areas of my life causes me to make quick decisions that end up being frivolous? I suppose this is evident in the fact that all that was on my grocery list was chicken and eggs and I was walking out of the store with $100 worth of groceries- including a container of Swedish fish. But then again, when it comes to dating, I’m more like the chicken lady: I examine every single package for any possible imperfection as I pick up one after another but never leave the store with it due to the fact that I’m worried about what might be wrong on the inside. Ironically though, if you can’t find a single package that you at least hope won’t kill you, you will eventually starve to death anyway. I’ll work on it…but the bottom line is that it all tastes just like chicken.