Sunday, December 27, 2009

Do these girls make me look old?

What is going on with men and much younger women? I suppose I understand that sometimes we need to surround ourselves with youth in order to regain our own. But…Every smart woman knows that when you put on a little weight, you don’t want to squeeze into your skinny jeans. It’s best to wear your pants a little looser in order to hide the fact that you are a little bigger! Men! You need you wear your women a little looser…wait…I mean older!

… Do these girls make me look old?…No. Absolutely not! You and your great granddaughters look really cute at your birthday party! How old are you now? 115? You look great for your age!

I had a guy try to have me thrown out of the country club last weekend because I didn’t laugh at his joke…well…actually I told him that it sucked but that is a story for another time!…On my behalf, I have to say that the joke did suck. Anyway…he left his much younger date on the porch to fend for herself amongst the country club set. Clearly she wasn’t going to fit in but apparently that didn’t matter cause he wanted to be sure to gain my respect by telling me that he had had it with me insulting him. This was clearly a bad idea on his part cause dragging me around a country club demanding respect while acting like a whiny, weasely, spoiled brat isn’t going to get you the reaction your looking for. He told me sternly that I had embarrassed him before at a party when some older doctor had suggested that he and I would make a good couple and I replied, “No. I’m sorry. He’s too old for me.”…what?…My answer to him was simple…again I said, “yeah. You are.”…The steam came out of his ears! Why can’t I seem to get this right? Darn it Calia! I need to practice lying to guys in front of the mirror. “Oh my goodness sir! I’m so sorry you felt that way. What I meant was, since you are 15 years older than me and clearly the master of your domain in your all-knowing omnipotent being, I would never be good enough for you. You are also way too tall for me too as I like guys who are under 4 and a half feet tall and you are nearly 5’3’.” There!…is that better? Needless to say I didn’t fix anything. He followed me around the country club and when I turned around, his head was practically lined up with my neck and he said, “You aren’t respecting me!” I burst into laughter and said, “If I am bothering you, walk away from me.” He smoothly said, “I’m not walking away. You walk away.”…I replied nonchalantly, “okay.” And turned away from him and walked off.