I learned something important about myself today…I’m not a fan of the outdoors. As a matter of fact, if I could dig a tunnel from my house to my car, and from my car to work, I’d be happy. The funny thing is that I do love to hike for hours and hours in creeks and gorges. So then what’s the problem? Who knows…I went to the ocean to hear my friend’s band play and as I stepped out onto the sand and saw the mass of people lying around, my heart started pounding. I looked from side to side- ocean, sand, sun…wait!…Where’s the shelter? Oh no. I decided that I needed to get out of the sun so I threw off my flip flops and started running for my hotel room – 50 blocks (3 miles)…this is not as easy as it may sound. I am used to running, jumping and playing – but in sneakers or high heels…not barefoot in the sand. The sun beat down on me and I could actually hear my skin aging. Help! I looked around. It all looked the same- guys with beer-bellies and tattoos…elderly people with bathing suits and sneakers… sand, water… sand, water…I played out the bible story about the footsteps in the sand over and over again in my head trying to remember if the point of the story was that the blisters on the bottom of Jesus’ feet never healed? Had he been wearing flip flops and Capri pants?…well no wonder people wanted to walk behind him! He was the only one covered up appropriately. The person I was following clearly needed a larger swimsuit…I quickly passed him. I could always poke my mind’s eye out later so I could get the vision out of my head! I felt a little anxious for the people just lying there. I clearly have a problem with throwing away a moment to nothingness. The strange thing is that some people would say that the nothingness was somethingness!… I could run and take in so much of the day by observing the things around me and loving the feeling of being able to run free. To each his own though. I did learn, however, that I don’t need to do things that I don’t enjoy in hopes that I might meet someone to spend time with. My routine is actually perfect the way it is. When I’m doing something I love to do, someone will appear and love to do it with me…otherwise, I’ll likely run right by him one morning coming home from my run as he sits on the toilet reading about what he might do one day! He’s probably not for me… I love my life the way it is. No need to try so hard. There’s no way my guy will let me pass him by!
OK? What do I do?
14 years ago
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