Nice Guys Finish Last?

It’s interesting how we see things sometimes. I ran into a guy who has recently decided that in order to get a girl to like him, he needs her to think he isn’t nice! Okay…that’s the old “nice guys finish last” stuff. It is an age-old speculation. The problem is that “nice guys” who have convinced themselves that they will in fact always “finish last”, perpetuate it…geez…which came first? The chicken or the egg?…or should I say “the nice guy finishing last” or the “nice guy who got to the finish line first and when the gold ribbon turned out to be all tarnished, had to go to the back of the race?” The truth is that a healthy, nice girl, wants a nice guy. The catch is that the guy has likely chosen the previously broken girl who expects to be treated badly in order to set both of them up in a self-fulfilling prophecy of defeat!…Combine that with the pattern of believing that girls don’t want “nice guys”, and we have a recipe for serial relationship failure! Well that’s just freakin’ terrific! So does that mean that he’s screwed?…No. I just know that he will likely read this and by now he has already decided that he is. Oh well…don’t worry! You’re not screwed…yet…(hee hee!)

What is a guy supposed to think if over and over again, he watches guys who don’t seem to be as nice as him, constantly walking away with the girl while he stands alone? If he is “nice” and he feels like he’s “last”, then “all nice guys finish last.”…It is an inaccurate syllogism. Unfortunately though, he is right about the fact that some girls are attracted to the “bad boy!” BUT…what he is wrong about are the reasons she would be attracted to that bad boy. It is not that he is “bad”, it’s the confidence he walks into a room with that she is drawn to. It’s likely something he developed from many years of superficial praise from meaningless relationships. From a woman’s point of view, she unknowingly thinks, “maybe I’ll be different and he will treat me well…blah blah blah…I’ve got to have him!” Yeah…you’ll be different! Good luck with that!…The only thing that would make it possible is if “he” were different! The problem is that no “healthy” woman wants a bad boy for much more than to write blogs about!…Oh well…it’s all in the way you spin the story I guess!…Anyway…the issue is the level of confidence that anyone would be able to exude when they are on the heals of realizing that someone they put their trust in has let them down…. another problem with the fact that you can’t be in a “relationship” all by yourself!…Of course if it was possible, you would only have yourself to blame when it went bad…possibly a thought for another time though…The truth is that the confidence does come back once all of the trouble has been sorted out, but sometimes a little bit of “something” in the attention from the opposite sex area would go a long way towards jumpstarting the process. That being said, that little bit of something could dangerously set you in motion towards another unhealthy relationship simply because that feeling of having someone showing you attention on the heals of feeling nothing but pain for an extended period of time, can easily make you think of that person as your “savior.” It’s never what you think. “The soul mate” will show up in your life when you are ready for her – not when you intend to meet her. No games are necessary. People need to realize that their lives aren’t a race to “finish first.” Staying true to yourself and believing that there is someone who is looking for someone exactly like you, is the only way to be sure that what presents itself is the real thing. The catch is that she won’t get here until you’ve stopped speculating about previous, fresh experiences while the "variable" will only give you her version of the truth as she sees it at the time she decides to torment you with it. It’s really not worth it.

The magic eightball would say "outlook not good, try again."...Oh boy. Does that mean that people need to wallow in their own discontentment for the unknown period of time it takes them to heal? Unfortunately it means that everyone has the right to need that time, and annoyingly, it's during that time that people believe they need someone new more than ever. The most important thing though, is to use it to regain one’s confidence! The "self contentment" a person learns from using the negative experience to grow, coupled with the fact that “I’m happy in this moment, I just want more!”, is the magic that will eventually shine out of you when you walk into the room where your soul mate will be. That’s when you’ll look ahead at the people who ran the race on the low road as they are wheezing and tired with very little to show for their light-hearted efforts at taking the “easy way”, and be rejuvenated on the path you were meant to be on all along. In this case, the “nice guy finishes happy!”