What Women Want is a Teddy Bear?

I am embarrassed to say that I keep getting sucked into bad advertising. This morning, I heard a commercial that I thought was a Saturday Night Live skit. The man said, “What women really want is a teddy bear!”…I looked up thinking I would see a comedian doing a skit about how he tried to please a woman with a stuffed animal, but was shocked to see a 30something woman kissing her boyfriend with the graciousness that would be equivalent to him having just rescued her from out from under a truck. I thought, “What men really want is a trampoline.”…I giggled to myself about how little the opposite sex really knows about what the other “really wants!” Judging from the commercial I saw just before this one about the girl in her new pajamas (who was also extremely excited), advertising for Valentine’s Day should likely be thought up by someone who is of the same sex the gift is for. That being said, I have never had a Valentine other than my father when I was a kid, but it does seem that it is a ridiculous holiday invented by Hallmark to force card sales. I know you’re thinking, “Boy! She’s got a little bit of a bad attitude!”…uh…yeah?…what about it? In fact, I wrote these little verses for Valentine’s Day last year:

Verse 1:

Roses and red

Violets are blue

You hate wacky chicks

But what can you do?

I’m outside your house

So put on a shirt

You stink like a louse

You’re lower than dirt

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Verse 2:

Roses are expensive

Words are always free

Chocolate makes you fat…

So I sent it to your girlfriend!

Verse 3:

Roses are dead

In less than a week

Give me the money

And kiss my @ss-cheek!

Well! That wasn’t right!…I have to say that I’m sort of just kidding though I don’t know what the importance of one day is. However, I have recently met the first “nice” guy who is “datable” (that means not married, no kids, smart, funny, doesn’t already have a girlfriend…I think…(of course I’ve been wrong about that in the past)…did I mention he’s nice to me?…weird!). Anyway…the point is that he doesn’t need to be told how to be kind. He doesn’t need to be begged for a teddy bear. He doesn’t need to order me some pajamas…(honestly because when I first saw the commercial for pajama-grams, I thought the guy was actually ordering the girl in the commercial. I was confused at first, but in my experience, it seemed about right to me. Why wouldn’t a guy mail order a date other than his girlfriend for Valentine’s Day?…It seemed quite obvious that some women place too much importance on one day and even more probable that many men would rather order a hot looking girl in some footy pajamas who wouldn’t talk back for a few hours!)…There I go again with the great attitude. The point is that though I think the commercials for all of these gimmicky “items” demean men’s natural instinct (to not understand why one specific day would be so important that a woman might base how much she believes a man cares about her on it), I actually have a nice guy in my life who will think to throw his name on a card without being told.

I don’t know how other women feel about materialist stuff, but I truly don’t care. My favorite bible story as a kid was the one about the “widow’s mite.” In my own words, the woman gave only one penny while all of the others gave extravagantly. When they were all done making their contributions, it was pointed out that the woman who gave the penny, had given the most of everyone because it was all she had to give while the rest gave only a small portion of what they had to offer….I like that story and have always lived my life by it. I can’t stand a guy who feels the need to base his worth on how big the gifts he gives are. I’d rather be with the guy who signs his name to a card he picked out just for me. Who cares about what someone’s secretary picked up and wrapped for his girlfriend?? Who cares about the pajamas that some announcer told guys who forgot to go get something, is the perfect gift for a holiday that’s commercialized meaning has badly broken down people’s ability to think for themselves? What do women want?…who the heck knows?