Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Friskie’s Cat appetizers

...well…I have finally pin-pointed all the world’s problems right here… I don’t remember needing any all-natural spanakopita for our cat…but then again, I don’t remember ever feeding our cat. Were we supposed to? This all-natural crap has certainly gone too far. Personally, give me a few chemicals any day. I have a friend who swears by all-natural deodorant. Ok. That’s nice! But what about the fact that it doesn’t work? When I use it, it should be called “all-natural ordorant.”…See? Again…defeats the purpose of the message it’s sending us. What’s that message? It’s screaming “get some gosh darn powder fresh secret so people can stand next to you for God’s sake!”…aaah!…As far as I’m concerned, I don’t want anything near my body that hasn’t been tested on animals first. That stuff’ll kill ya! I’m just saying that you won’t ever find me rubbing a pomegranate under my arm. Juice it and serve it to me with some eggs! The funny thing is that same friend refuses to take an ibuprofen but complains on a daily basis that he has a headache!…um…sorry man. That’s because you need an ibuprofen. Good luck with the outliving me by 30 years thing! Nothing like an extra 30 years with a headache! I’m sure it’ll be worth it though! All those endangered species (like dogs and cats) will be alive to keep you company since their shelf life, now that we have all-natural appetizers and high-priced veterinarians, is longer than humans. I hope the vets are leaving good notes next to their empty ibuprofen bottles and diet soda cans so the next generation can read the kitty charts. The only problem is, the next generation doesn’t read all that well…hopefully the notes will have diagrams and teacher’s assistants to read them for them. It would be horrible for “any cat to be left behind!”