Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I’m Gonna Need Some Green Bags!

I went to Sam’s Club yesterday. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve been there before, but not in years. I suspect it is a huge bargain for families, but a single person likely couldn’t eat all of the produce before it went bad since everything is in packages that are the size apparently meant to feed small countries. I walked through there feeling like I was Alice in Wonderland. This was an unbelievable experience. I could buy a lifetime supply of lettuce and eggs…but then again, I would have to invite many people over to eat it. It was so cheap in comparison to what I usually spent on groceries though! What was a girl to do? The refrigerator sized boxes of peanut butter Cap’n Crunch tantalized me. That stuff is so good…other than the fact that after about 3 bowls of it, the roof of your mouth is cut up as though you took a cheese grater to it. Not to mention that I haven’t eaten it since the 80’s. I’m not sure that it has any nutritional value…especially since I used to put sugar on it. (shh…don’t tell my parents. They would be really annoyed about that!) I guess I could go back and get some another time. I suppose it would last until my own children are old enough to enjoy it….of course I don’t have any children yet. It sure is a toss up though. What if Sam’s Club goes out of business before I have children?…Even more…What if global warming burns the earth to a crisp before I have children?…Maybe I should pick up the big box of Capn’ Crunch while there’s still time…

It is very interesting that I’m even considering buying all of these industrial sized packages simply because they are available. It definitely explains why McDonald’s has so affectively “supersized” the nation! Why not pick up the “bigger” one if it’s available for only a few pennies more? We sure have become a glutinous society! Even in dating. Have you ever known a person who has hung onto their current significant other while they are secretly dating someone else?…That’s not right! If there’s someone for everyone (according to the old saying), do you still meet them if someone else is holding onto two?…Uncool!…I should take my own advice and not buy the Cap’n Crunch for my non-existent kids while I still have some raisin bran in the cupboard left over from the early 90’s. There are starving children in Africa who could use some of what the Cap’n has to offer. Besides, I’m sure that by the time my children are old enough to beg for sugared cereal, the FDA will be long regulated and passing out rations of trans-fat free mueslix! YUM! Here you go kids- A colorless, healthy, bowl of crap-brown nutrients! “Thank you mommy! We love crap-brown nutrients!”