If I turn up dead, I want you to be able to draw this guy…

The weirdest thing happened in the grocery store today. It seems that I have been running into all different types of people in the grocery store lately. I don’t know what the meaning behind it is, but clearly I’m spending too much time at the store. It is possible that I need to get myself a life. I actually looked for one but there was no hanging sign over any of the aisles that said, “Pickles, crackers, Husband, Children…”…Oh well…I was standing near the overflowing lines at the checkout and there was a man standing in between 2 of them. I sort of wanted to just go into one and wait there myself but I wasn’t quite sure what to do since he was using both of them. I didn’t want to budge! He instantly told me that I had a great smile. I wasn’t quite sure how he could see my smile since his eyes were blood shot and from the smell of him, he had been drinking extensively. He asked me my name and how old I was. I actually answered. I wasn’t quick enough to be rude this time. This is very foreign to me. Usually being witty and rude is my specialty, but this time, I had nothing but the truth to tell. I’m sure this will prove to be a bad decision. Strangely enough, talking seems to always get me into trouble. Note to self: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!…nope…I was stinkin’ charming and kind. He showed me his tattoo and told me his daughter worked at the same place that I do. I said, “Really? What’s her name?” He said, “Sue…something. I don’t know her last name.” Apparently they are very close. He asked me my last name. I told him that I didn’t have one cause I haven’t gotten married yet. I think he was drunk enough to accept that answer…then the thought of a new age ran through my head. Purging everyone’s last names seemed like a brilliant idea to me. It does seem that no one has any identity anymore with all the hyphens from marriage after marriage. I clearly had tuned him out. I think he was talking about trees or something. We definitely had a lot in common…I mean…I have a tree near my house…After what seemed like 45 minutes (though it was probably more like 10), he was done paying and it was my turn…oh crap…he was bagging my groceries now. That was actually nice of him but I thought he should run along. He told me that he was going to walk me to my car too. EXCELLENT! I picked up my bags as we walked out of the store next to each other and I turned to the managers and said, “If I turn up dead, I want you to be able to draw this guy.” They smiled and looked at him. Drawing him shouldn’t be hard. He told me that he was harmless and that he was an inventor. He had invented toilet seats for women that when women stood up after going to the bathroom, it showed the amount, in pounds, that they had just lost…um…OMG!…I can’t make this stuff up you know! He told me he also invented a watch that tells how long you had to live….DING DING DING DING! There it was. Daddy do something! HELP!…But he wasn’t dangerous after all. He walked towards his truck and wished me a “long, prosperous life.”…I walked to my Black Saturn and fumbled for my keys and smiled back at him and waved. He drove away and I found my keys…to my Volvo, which was a few rows over in the parking lot. The little old lady who owned the Saturn came up to her car. I giggled… “oops…wrong car!”…