Thursday, September 10, 2009

It’s all in the undergarment!

I’m a firm believer in smooth clothing lines! Have you ever seen someone wearing a beautiful dress and then, while you admiring it, your eye gets caught on a panty line or bra strap? Oh! I always think, “So close!” …I found this great “undersuit” (I suppose that’s what I will call it). I have all sorts of dresses that seem to require a lack of undergarments in order to look right. Not easy I’ll tell you! I would never wear one of those girdle things that squeezes any ounce of extra skin you may have to the top, as though you were a tube of toothpaste. I was so excited when I found this great shorts “undersuit” that wasn’t for control and fit perfectly underneath and went all the way to up to the chest. It looked flawless! At last I’ve found the answer!…NOT!…All was well and good until the elastic at the top started to feel like it was stabbing me in the heart! OMG! How tight does thing have to be in order to stay up? My lungs were squeezed so tight that I couldn’t take a breath to sing! I looked out into the crowd and saw a girl with a spaghetti strap dress and a full triangle bra underneath…and around…and above…well! She may have well blackened out a few teeth with spinach in my book! It would’ve completed the classless attempt at dressing up.

What’s the moral of this story?…um…I don’t know…hmm…Hide your bra straps?…uh…Singers shouldn’t wear tight elastic around their lungs?…no…hmm…Spinach tastes good but you should always check a mirror after eating it?…I suppose we should just continue our quest for that seamless look that plays tricks on everyone! Is she wearing underwear? Yep! You just can’t see it because it’s tucked into her shoe.