Tuesday, January 26, 2010

What are the “right” reasons?

The rain beat against the house throughout the night to the point that I thought it might blow it right over. The interesting thing was that I found it sort of soothing. I set a bag of my favorite clothes and a pair of sneakers by the front door in case I needed to run out quickly and went back to bed to listen to the rain and wind. (Clearly I have a need to be prepared for every situation!) I had been dreaming about a conversation I had had with a friend during the day about how he didn’t know anyone in a relationship with a family who was actually happy. He seemed to believe that everyone had gotten involved with someone for all the wrong reasons. I had to admit that I heard him on this. Most everyone I knew who was in a “family” structure only voiced its negative aspects to me too. But were there any “right” reasons to be with someone? Was there truly a magical beam of light that had been sent to each of these people when they originally met each other that told them to spend their lives together? The thing is that I still believed that there must’ve been. Why else would anyone tie himself to another person for what is supposed to be his entire life? When I asked a guy who used to hook up randomly with other women even though he was married to one, why he stayed in his marriage even though he was so unhappy, he answered, “Cause what’s the alternative?”…oh…bleek!…and come to think of it…remind me to ask his wife the same question sometime and see what her take on it is.

The truth is that there is magic in every single moment. I drove to work with the rain pounding down on my car and passed a guy walking down the street wearing one of those umbrella hats. You know…the ones that sit right on your head?…Wow! This is not the coolest looking thing in the world but I have to admit that it made me giggle and sort of wish I had one. It was extremely functional. It was sort of like a bluetooth headset for a phone- it doesn’t exactly look very slick, but it makes life a lot easier. The point is that he was taking advantage of what he had to do in order to make the rainiest morning in the history of January, truly fantastic (for me anyway!) I felt sort of warm and protected by it myself. He wasn't thrown off by the rainstorm. He just continued through his day the best way he knew how. Is this the issue with all of these unhappy people in relationships? Did they really “get married too young”, or “marry the wrong person”, or “meet their soul-mate after getting married to the “next best thing”?…I actually don’t think so. I think that people are shocked by the changes that they go through as they move through different stages of life and make the choice to stick it out or not. In fact, they justify it to suit their needs when they don’t. Most of our parents stayed in their marriages for a lifetime. Leaving is really just the popular choice of our attention deficit/need for excitement/too many temptations from other unhappy people in the workplace generation!

The real question in my dream about a couple at the zoo…and don’t ask me what the heck the zoo was about…I’m not a huge fan of the zoo! It’s sort of a park only it has animals in it. I’m not a fan of animals. I find them scary- like “eat my head” scary!…especially birds! Birds are the scariest of all of them. They are sort of like clowns (also very scary) only with wings…as a matter of fact…the circus in the next scene of my dream was even scarier than the zoo…You know what?…I have absolutely no idea what that dream was about...uh...

So…what are the right reasons for people to have a relationship with a significant other? I think that everyone has their own idea of this and it is likely these preconceived personal expectations of what they think it should be like that have caused the unhappiness with the reality of what it is. Is it magical?…probably for the first 6 months or so. Is it joyous?…probably when your child takes his first steps….Is it exciting?…likely on the one night a week when you have a babysitter and go to dinner together but call home every 5 minutes and check the nanny cam from your blackberry sitting on the table in front of you and then go home early cause you’re too tired to be out anyway!…hmm…apparently my expectations aren’t set too high! As a matter of fact, that actually sounds good to me! I hope for a best friend and someone who has common interests and an appreciation for the good and bad things…and most of all, someone who I still have all of those things in common with once we’re too old to remember to finish the conversation we were having about what all the unhappy people who have recycled one unhappy relationship for another, for another, for another, are complaining about! I won’t settle for less! We’ll grow old together, happily…or kill each other trying!