Unavailable!...period.

I always get into conversations with men and women alike about struggles that they are having in their relationships.  Of course I bring on the conversation myself in order to gain an understanding of these things in order to offer up my twisted, yet precise view of each situation.

One of my most recurring conversational treats is with people who are “trying” to see someone who is unavailable.  We've all fallen for that sad story at one point or another! “I’m married but we are trying to break up but it’s complicated because she/he has some emotional issues.”  “My boyfriend really wants to be with me but his girlfriend keeps playing on him every time he tries to leave.”  “She says that she is working through some things and isn't ready for a relationship right now.”  “He says he was really hurt in the past so he needs to spend time with me without any commitment and without anyone knowing.” “But he’s my best friend!  No one gets him like I do!”

Hmm...well...I don’t know what to say...Wait!  Yes I do!  In this world where many people are out there broken and trying to date on the heels of divorce or breakup as a Band-Aid instead of healing from their past first, we have GOT TO GET A GRIP!  "Overlap dating" is a disaster for everyone involved.  The truth is that someone who has someone else in their life that he/she just “can’t leave”, is getting something out of that relationship.  If they wanted to leave, they would.  I know it doesn't seem that easy in the moment, but it is. Ending a relationship is never easy but no one is as “confused” as they say they are.  If you’re confused and wondering if you’re with the right person, you probably aren't with the right person!  Period.  Men and women’s brains function differently in this regard however.  Women tend to read between the lines instead of taking actions into account, while men can compartmentalize their actions.  I truly believe that if a man could cheat on his wife without ever ruining his marriage, he would.  If you've noticed, most men in the “middle of a divorce” because they met someone else, had their wife “accidentally” find out.  (Usually the accident has been a good friend of the extra girlfriend talking in the bathroom a little too loudly while, “oops!  His wife’s best friend was in the stall!  OMG!  How did that happen?”)  I look at it like eating at a buffet.  If you can eat both a slice of chocolate cake that is rich and fulfilling, and a piece of strawberry shortcake that is light and playful, you are going to.  Your decision is really only made for you if one of them make you throw up before you eat the other one.  If not?  Win win!

I know...I do get ranting a bit...My point is that we need to have a little more strength to let a person go until they are available to have something worthwhile. One quality relationship is way more fulfilling than a bunch of nothings that get us worked up on the telephone with our girlfriends.  I also worry that we need to be better role models to the next generation of 20somethings.  I watch as these poor girls think that being beautiful and taking a guy from someone else is some sort of huge accomplishment.  Unfortunately, being 20 and BEAUTIFUL isn't an accomplishment.  Being 35 and showing these young girls by example that they are worth someone’s undivided attention and showering of love from someone who deserves them IS.