Dating after 30!

The thought came to me that people may be wondering "dating after 30? This girl can't even get out of the gym!" I even changed the title of my blog to many different things: "I'm gonna jump off a tall building", "I'm building an ark...and i'm not taking any dumb girls with me", "Stalker! I'm eating a grilled cheese sandwich" (my personal favorite), and even "Hey wait! Aren't you married?" The problem is that the more times I clicked submit, the more i realized that i am sort of dating...just not very well! Yes! I am in the dating world but I only get called off of the bench when the real deal is requested at the table. Until then, I am living life to the best of my ability and I have to embarrassingly admit that i'm so happy that i could burst!

I will definitely keep everyone posted if I do meet someone that i like...and then i'll write something about him...and he'll likely sell his house and move!...cause that's the way it works!

Teeth and an Education...

People always say that women who are single are that way because they are too picky. “If you want a family, you’d better lower your standards.” Thank you. That’s nice! So what you are saying (while you are in your comfortable home with your husband that you met when you were in college) is that once you’re a certain age, wanting to meet a guy with teeth and an education is asking too much? How about just one or two teeth? I watch guys settle all the time. I’ve been in many conversations with men who have gone out of their way to tell me that the girl they are seeing isn’t the one but unless something better comes along, they will probably end up marrying her. I throw my hand up in the air and yell “ooh ooh! Pick me! Pick me! I’ve so been looking for a guy who will tell everyone that I’ll do because nothing better is out there! WOW! That is the way to a girl’s heart!

Maybe it’s not about being too picky. Could it be that I’m simply not worried enough about it? My life is so stress-free that I can’t even understand why people get stressed in the first place. People flip me off on the highway and I smile and wave. Police pull me over for speeding and I say “oops…I’m sorry. I was doing the best I could.” Yesterday, during a rainstorm, I went to the store…all of these people were running through the parking lot so they wouldn’t get wet! … I walked slowly as the sheets of water poured over the glass-like, soaking river of a parking lot. Who cares? … So my hair didn’t look good. Whatever! I get it wet in the shower all the time. It wasn’t like I was wearing my wedding gown (cause I just cleaned my house in it last week and had to send it out to mend the sleeve). I suppose what I’m saying is that I don’t really have to lower my standards at all. There are things that attract me to a person and the superficial, outward qualities aren't the ones that matter the most. It is beyond my control. Whatever I want, or think I want in this area, is going to happen the way it’s supposed to happen whether I’m "weathered" and "stressed" or not. I choose fresh and happy! What are they going to do to me?

Maybe I’m lucky!

Though life is full of fun and excitement, there are times when being alone can get a little old. Like when you’re having a conversation with yourself in your kitchen about ...I don't know...the fact that you just ran from the back of the house to the living room with scissors in your hand and actually stopped yourself to say aloud ..."Whoa! I can't believe that I just ran with scissors! That's freakin' CRAZY!"…you know, a little small talk?...

The strange thing is, every time I turn on the news, there’s another story about a man killing his wife and children… It’s a sign! I have been kept alive purely by the fact that I can’t meet a guy to save my life! …and ironically, it may be the exact thing that’s saved my life! Feewww… I've hung out with guys who were clearly trying to kill me- don’t get me wrong, it was usually by taking me around small puppies or making me go camping (I hated all 5 minutes of that relationship!) Another guy I hung out with for a couple weeks actually stole my garbage can! What the heck did he want with that garbage can? I still can’t, for the life of me, figure out why I pulled into my driveway to find him taking it out of his trunk and putting it on my porch…what the?…hmm… Anyway…it is clear that judging from my apparent lack of ability in the area of knowing when a person is really not a nice person, I’m truly lucky to still be ALIVE! Now… I’m sure that there are a ton of really great guys out there…and hopefully one of them will get cleared of his wife’s alleged murder in time for me to meet him for coffee…I can only dream! I’m the luckiest girl in the world!

…and what could possibly have been up with that garbage can??

This is really sad!

Disclaimer: These are actual events. The participants are not actors. They have agreed to have their stupidity published here, in Calia’s forum. No subjects were physically harmed in any way (and most of them weren’t even smart enough to realize that they were emotionally battered.)

On a first date:

Guy: "I see you as a diamond that’s all covered with manure and I just want to chip away at the lacquer of nailpolish then use a cloth to scrub away the manure and view the shiny luster that’s underneath."

Calia: …this is why I always drive myself.