Friday, August 21, 2009

…okay…I’m out…the pub crawl is not gonna happen!

Well…I suppose I’ve finally come to the realization that I’m just not like the typical 18-year old. Perhaps it’s cause I’m not 18…or simply because even when I was, I couldn’t see the purpose in acting irresponsibly. So here I am, at the beach. I thought, “Maybe there will be some cool people who wanna hang out and talk.” Well! Not this beach. This beach is full of 35 year olds who are drinking their faces off! I wonder why that is? I suppose that they could be that miserable that they want to pretend that they are younger and without responsibilities…or they really think it’s fun. I will never know the answer to that cause my idea of “fun” has never been what other people’s was. I hate it when people say, “Just have fun!” It sort of makes me want to puke! I always have fun. When I write, work, sing, dance, workout!…it’s all fun! When I was in 6th grade, kids would be roller-skating… and I would be learning “Stars and Stripes forever” on my piccolo. FUN! So where are the people who want to hang out and talk? You know…the academic people who are go-getter, workaholics who want to workout when they aren’t working?

I walked into this outdoor bar. There was a guy who almost would’ve been close to taking that smile off of my face that clearly said, “I think this is absolutely ridiculous!” He was okay looking. I asked what he did for a living. He said, “I’m a rocket scientist. I actually do that for a living.”…okay…now we’re getting closer to my speed….then he continued, “but I’m the reason that all of this exists. I’m the judge and all these people in costume will do shows at the end of this pub-crawl and each bar will make thousands of dollars in beer sales. People are thanking me in every bar!”…hmm…I heard the sound of the whimpering trumpet in the cartoons, whining, “wah, wah, wah, wah” as if to say, “thank you for playing! Johnny, tell him what he’s won!” I looked around at the scantily dressed girls- some with nice bodies, some with “healthy self-images”…all with their eyes rolling back in their heads and guys hanging on them as if it really didn’t matter if they were fat or thin…or what their names were for that matter (this seemed even more pathetic because it was only 5pm)! I looked over at the group of older, skin damaged, freckly women with wrinkly faces wearing cougar outfits. Oh boy! I got a crazy message from the universe as if to say, “CALIA! GET OUT OF THE SUN AND PICK UP A 32 YEAR OLD NOW BEFORE YOU LOOK AS RIDICULOUS AS THAT GIRL!”…then I received one for them, “get out of the sun, put on a sweat suit, and subscribe to the law and order channel! You’re glory days are over!”…So what the heck was wrong with this Rocket Scientist that his self image was based on how many drunks he could get into a bar and not his rocket scientry? I have to wonder if everyone has something about them that is amazing but we tend to look at the things that we lack and make those the important things? This forces us to overcompensate for the inadequacy in those areas. For instance, I no longer liked this guy cause he seemed like he was trying too hard. I bet if we had a conversation about his job and his schooling, he would’ve seemed confident and attractive to me. Why would he need to make himself look pathetic by focusing on some high school fantasy that he could be the cool kid instead of the kid with straight ‘A’s’ in math? I like the kid with the ‘A’s’! I suppose I do the same thing though. I have all sorts of special skills, but when I get down, all I can see is that everyone else has a family and I don’t. What exactly am I supposed to do about that? You can’t make it happen and forcing it will make me come off insecure. I guess that all I can do is take this guy’s advice to focus on my strengths and spend time around the people who appreciate them. (well…it was sort of his advice- what he actually said was, “PARTY! WHOOO HOO!”) Anyway…going to a strange place and trying to fit in where I don’t is going to look like an obvious attempt to achieve other people’s approval and not my own. What my priorities are, are mine! Why not accentuate the positive and walk away from places I don’t belong anyway! I’m checking out of the hotel now…and since there was someone else’s hair on the floor of the bathroom when I got here, I’m taking this box of tissues… and this tiny soap…and this towel…wait! No…not the towel…I don’t think this was mine…ewww!