Wipe off and start fresh!

I tend to enjoy waking up, applying some lip gloss and acting like I’m ready for the day! It seems to be the perfect thing to distract the eye from any imperfections I may have from sleeping with my hand pressed against my face! My pretty pink gloss is shiny and lustrous! Granted, the wind blows and I have hair stuck to my teeth, but overall, it’s usually a good topping for a fresh girl look! Well!…I was very disappointed in my lip gloss last night. I had been wearing it all day and was actually quite proud of myself for not licking it off. I reapplied after work and went to sing at a party. I was driving to the party and noticed that my lips were sticking together! That’s not good. I can’t breathe through my nose. I checked it in the mirror and it was all chunky and gross. Darn! I was all out of sorts. When I got to the party, I searched my trunk for something to wipe it on that wouldn't stick to it and have to be worn as a mouth accessory all night! I found a washcloth and got rid of all but a little glitter and used a new layer of a different textured gloss. My frown turned upside down and I felt like a new girl! Ah! That’s better.

I walked into the party, and within 30 minutes, a guy came up to me and said, “My wife divorced me and I had to move out of the house at 11:59 pm last night.”…I thought, “Wow! If he was 20 years younger, 6 months out of that relationship, Italian, and I wasn't already married, I’d snap him right up!”…and… “that reminds me of my lip gloss”! (Danger! Danger! Attention Deficit Hallucination coming!) The problem with people sometimes is that they have such a need to fill a void with an instant replacement, that they keep layering relationship after relationship without wiping off the old ones. It really just makes for a film of life distracting, sticky chunks on them. Personally, I never got involved. I can’t tell you how many guys asked me out right after they had broken up with someone who I had asked to take some time to get over their previous relationship and then give me a call…I could count on 1 hand how many of them called – 0. They all went on to the next girl and married her…oh yeah…and then divorced her…apparently those relationships didn't work out for some reason. Uh…do you think? How can you possibly be the person you are going to be in the future if you are still wearing a layer of your past? I was always afraid that I would meet someone on the rebound…That was actually hilarious! Everyone would say, “On the rebound from who? It’s been 8 years!”…I'd reply with a smile, “No. Not him! The one before him!”…I liked the original one better! The one you remember was just a sticky chunk of rebound lip-gloss. The one before him was actually a pretty good match for me…other than the depressive tendencies. He’s still a sight for sore eyes though (when I run into him every 10 years or so). Oh well…wipe them off! You can’t re-date the dated and you can’t reapply the dazzleglass. You may as well take a shower and start fresh in the morning!…I looked up from my thoughts and the guy was still standing there staring at me… “Oh. I’m sorry. Were you talking?”

It's not MY fault...

I have often watched and wondered as people use anything and everything to get out of an uncomfortable situation. It’s an ageless problem. When we’re kids, when our mothers catch us doing something wrong, our instant response is to tell her something that one of our sisters has done in hopes that it will be bad enough to make our offense seem much smaller. When we are teenagers, the words “she got me in trouble for…” come up again and again. I remember getting pulled over one time for speeding and being very angry at the cop who pulled me over. A wiser lady asked me if I was mad at the cop, mad at myself for speeding, or mad that I had gotten caught. Um…interesting…BUT…that cop didn’t need to be sitting there that day while I drove quickly by…Of course it was his job. “He got me in trouble!”


It never ends. People need to have someone to blame their actions on. Have you ever talked to a guy who talks about “his crazy ex wife?” I’ve actually caught myself walking away thinking, “Poor guy. His wife was crazy!”…I have a feeling that she wasn’t all that crazy. Don’t get me wrong…I have met “crazy” in my day. In fact, I believe it’s very possible that that same guy drove his wife to “act crazy.” He may have just left some of the story out- he may have left her alone with his children while he stepped out night after night into a bar and hooked up with young girls. Perhaps he told her that she wasn’t good enough for him because he had a “high pressure” job and “guys like him usually have hotter wives.”…Maybe he walked out one day for good and she called a few too many times to ask him how he could do that to her and their children?? He can blame the end of his relationship on the fact that she was crazy all he wants to but the fact remains that if everyone you meet is “crazy”, you might want to take a look in the mirror to find out what’s making them that way.

So why are humans so afraid to take responsibility for their actions? If we speed, it might be our fault that we got a speeding ticket. If we cheat, it might be our fault when the person we have cheated on throws a rock through our window. What is so scary about admitting that we did something that we aren’t proud of? Do we need to fluff up our feathers and walk around telling our life stories with twisted details in order to feel good about ourselves? I knew a guy who used to tell so many stories about his life that when someone would ask him a question regarding his personal life, he would pick up his drink and sip it slowly while he scanned his “lie rolodex” in his mind. It was obvious to me that he was getting his story straight in order for it to match previous stories that he had told the specific person. He was a VERY smart man so he did this quite well. I had to wonder how a less educated man would pull it off though. Of course a less educated man probably wasn’t trying it on overly educated women so there are probably different degrees of the “formulate your lie, slow water sip.” All in all- it’s very hard to maintain an alter ego that is so different from the real you. So much work goes into creating and maintaining each story that I can’t imagine that it doesn’t become overwhelming once in awhile. I wonder whose fault it would be when he screws up his story and gets caught in a lie?...I’m sure it will be the “crazy” girl who questions the validity of the story who will eventually “get him in trouble!”

It's just another day?

I ran into an acquaintance in the store today. I smiled and asked how she was. She said in a matter of fact way, “It’s just another day.” Oh my!...I thought in that moment, how easy is it to turn a day into “just another day” and how many of those can we afford to have? If we throw away this day, one day has the potential to turn into months...maybe years. I’m not sure we have that much extra time to waste. What is your definition of “life” or “happiness?” Is it all about just making it through? It seems like a huge waste to me. Michael Jackson died at 50. How tragic. What’s more tragic is that by definition, he had it all. We need to be careful not to calculate the value of our lives by analyzing what we have. We may have one day to toss away to feeling lonely or sad but the next has got to turn around. I like to find one thing in every single day to notice as something new and fresh. Maybe people aren’t as willing or creative as I am in this area…well…cause honestly sometimes I’m downright ridiculous! Like for example: I have been known to be able to dance and kickbox...but sometimes just spinning around the living room with a great new tune on,like I did when I was a kid, is enough to make me feel like one again. I let my arms go limp and turn in circles without spotting anywhere special on the wall until I fall down laughing. Note to self: This can actually be much more dangerous than you may think. Be careful not to slam into the wall or the coffee table (oops...yeah...it's happened). But then again…if you do, I am certain it will be a day of notable happenings! I took a walk today and looked up at the sky. I do this all the time. It never looks the same as the day before! There was a huge black cloud over the tops of some brightly sunlit trees! It was absolutely amazing. Some people would’ve noticed the black cloud but I saw the sun that was shining from the opposite direction as it reflected the treetops as a message that there was something always shining through the darkness as long as I am willing to see it. I would suggest that if you ever take a moment to try this, you turn your music down a little because you just may get run over by a car. But then again…that would put an ironic twist on your day and I assure you it would most definitely not be “just another day!”

Half full!

I just used some “energizing hand soap” in the ladies room at work. I really think it worked! My hands do feel energized! Sometimes I go in there and the older ladies have filled the half empty dispenser to the top with water. That drives me crazy! My gosh ladies! It’s not like it’s 1983 and your parents only have $8 until payday! Geez…As a single person who is sort of “the boss of me”, when my soap is gone, I buy more. The funny thing is that I always see my glass as half full…of course in the past, people have definitely walked by and peed in it… but I have always just watched as they’ve done it, smiled and said, “thank you”, then simply washed my glass and started over!

Eat, Drink, and Be Married…

I am in awe of the world’s obsession with food. It seems that everything we do, whether it surrounds happiness, sadness, holidays, dating, etc…is all directly connected to food. What is this about? It seems that there is no way to get away from the over consuming celebration of- well…life?...Will our bodies explode from it one day? Will our families sit around a table of food while we sit nearby in a box waiting to be lowered into the ground by 10 weight lifters…who, by the way have their own food issues…

So why do I ramble on about food when it’s so obviously a tradition that goes back in time- even before Jenny Craig existed (is she even alive still?...I would think that her heart has to have stopped by now from over consumption of ephedra and cardboard frozen meals)? Oh well…I guess I’m feeling out of control and as though there needs to be a way to say “no thank you” without people taken offense. Is there an exact amount that society likes people to eat? Too little deems you an anorexic. Too much deems you a pig! I love food as much as the next person but WHY…oh WHY?...is it the center of the universe? Can’t people just eat in bed all alone once in awhile and enjoy the fact that no one’s talking at them while they unknowingly shove 4000 calories frantically in their mouths out of “celebration”?

My fiance’s family eats every single meal out in an Italian restaurant. This is a big problem for me. Don’t get me wrong…I LOVE Italian food. The problem is that I’ve taught aerobics and eaten rations of protein, fruits, and vegetables out of Tupperware containers five times a day for over 15 years. I am not the kind of girl who can have a slice (actually…a loaf) of bread unleashed on her! I know it’s a social thing but to me they may as well be shooting me up with heroin. I have been swiping empty plates from the people at the tables next to me while they aren’t looking and pretending that I have just eaten so much I couldn’t eat another bite. YET…Somehow they know??? “Calia hasn’t eaten! Get Calia some butter and a slice of chocolate cake?”…I say “no thank you. I’m full.” They say “but the chocolate cake is made with only half the sugar, and the icing is only made of butter, flour and eggs, not shortening like it’s supposed to be made”… “oh…great then…get me 2 pieces in that case. I thought it might’ve been fattening. I’ll just roll myself into my car later.”

Anyway…I do rant on and on…My “wedding” that I refuse to call “MY” anything is going to have food after the mass. I’m calling it the “after service- food consumption gathering.” It will be nice to see my family on that day- even if I can’t fit into any of my 5 wedding gowns that I carefully picked out to look as beautiful as I could on “my wedding day”. That is, when I was going to have a private mass with just my “husband to be”- before I even met him. (I like dresses!) I guess I’ll find some sort of burlap sack to throw on over my sauce, cheese, and bread clogged arteries…or maybe I could sew a couple of them together this week sometime. Where’s that stapler?...

You sing better than Fergie

No two minds think alike! That is why one person’s compliment is another person’s diss. I sing a Black Eyed Peas song and people always come up afterwards and say, “You sing better than Fergie.”…um…well geez…Thanks? The thing is that as a “singer” who has spent many years learning the technical elements of how vocal chords work, I sure as heck better sing better than Fergie! The real question is “Am I Fergilicious?” The way I see it, Fergie’s thing is not singing. I thought her identity was wrapped around being extremely attractive.


We all have something that we’re good at. The trouble we face is when we get mislabeled into a category in which we do not belong. I would be considered a complete failure if I considered myself an auto mechanic. It’s not that I can’t fix cars…wait…It is exactly like I can’t fix cars. I do know how to put gas in them but I this doesn’t make me a very good mechanic. In fact, if people brought me their cars to fix, I would most certainly let them down 100% of the time!...This is why they don’t. My constant failure would ruin my self image.

There was a guy who used to come into to work to fix the copy machine. One day as he was leaving, I smiled at him and asked, “all fixed?” He said, “No. I couldn’t fix it. I need to come back next week with parts.”…um… “Okay (I thought), but since his only job was to fix the copy machine, leaving without it being fixed seemed a little sad to me.” I wanted to help him by giving him a different title. Perhaps “guy who dressed really nicely and had a nice smile?” Somehow it seemed like if that was what he was going for, he had achieved his goal for the day. Clearly “copy machine fixit guy” was not the best category to place him in this time.

I contend that too many people are spending time doing things that don’t make them feel good. I know that as children, we are told that we can be or do anything we want to in life. I suppose that’s true and I definitely believe in doing the most we can to stretch our own abilities, BUT there is something to be said for recognizing our own individual strengths and capitalizing on them. The most important thing when it comes to living a happy a full life is finding what it is that we excel at and working to make ourselves the best we can be at it. Of course it isn’t wrong to try new things, but setting unrealistic goals for ourselves is counterproductive to seeing the value in what we, as individuals, have to offer the world. Not everyone can be a singer, an engineer, an auto mechanic, a copy machine repairman, Fergie…BUT, every ONE can be amazing at whatever has been gifted to them. The key is to figure out what that is! Once we do, if we love it and take the time to foster its growth, it will provide happiness to us forever.

Brake Failure: Stop Safely ASAP

My car has been mocking me a lot lately. Personally I think it over warns me. It’s sort of like a car that cries “wolf.” It’s a Volvo and really like it but I can’t just assume it’s always right. I mean…it is right when a headlight burns out. Of course I have mixed feelings about that warning too. Usually people don’t know they have a headlight out until they get pulled over for it. NOT ME- I have to know the second it blows. This would be considered a gentle reminder to a normal person that she should make sure she stops and picks up a bulb. Again…I don’t have the ability to let things go. I have to stop everything I’m doing and take care of it right that minute and for the entire ride down the street to the auto parts store, that warning screams at me from my dash “DIPPED BEAM”…I find that very upsetting.

As for this “brake failure” thing…what the heck is up with that message? I come from a family that used duct tape to cover up the check engine light when it was on. I don’t think that’s supposed to be the “normal” response, but nothing ever caught on fire…well…once…but it didn’t happen that often. The point is that my brakes work fine. My ABS is another story…but the brakes themselves are fine…

So what did this warning message trigger in my mind you may ask? Well…it reminded me of all the times I have complained that I’ve given friends advice and they have completely disregarded it. I need to “brake” this down a little bit. What are the reasons that I am not heeding my car’s warning?

• Obviously brake failure isn’t going to be cheap if I take it to the dealer 
• I would have to borrow a car or get a ride from a friend- I’d be completely reliant on someone else.
• I don’t believe it’s really broken.
• I actually know it’s broken and I really don’t need anyone telling me that it is because I have no intention of fixing it.

Interesting…so it appears that I have an awful lot in common with some of my friends who have ignored my advice on occasion. When it comes to relationships, the excuses for ignoring a giant red flashing message compare to my dashboard quite nicely:

• If I was giving my 2 cents about a guy that I don’t think is ever going to pan out, my friend would weigh out the cost- If she chose to believe me, she would have to give up the one thing that, though a huge negative factor and life stunting relationship, is the one thing that gives her enough “nothing” to feel excited about for the few minutes a day she gets said “nothing.” So what if the “stop safely asap” message is correct this time?...eh…it hasn’t happened before…She’ll take care of it when she absolutely has to…maybe from the bottom of a lake or something…
• She would have to eventually allow someone new to drive her around…ie: dinner, movies, etc…the early stages of dating always suck…
• She knows it’s keeping her frozen and broken but it’s too hard to let it go for fear of the outside possibility that the person just might come through for her just after she lets go. It would just be easier to ignore the problem for now and hope that in a few years, another person will present himself once this current one has gotten married to someone completely different.

So it makes complete sense…people do what they want to and pretty much only heed warnings if they are convenient for them. Brake failure: Stop safely asap. Exactly how many warnings will I get until that one time that my brakes actually do fail?...don’t know yet…There might be a lesson to be learned in this though. People will eventually find out their own answers to the open ended questions of their lives. Maybe warning lights and well meaning friends are set in front of us to help save us from catastrophe or perhaps they are holding us stuck in full view of what just might happen one day. Would it be better to just drive until the brakes go out completely knowing that we’ve lived right now to the fullest? Does everything have to have a happily ever after attached to it? Maybe some people just don’t worry that much about what is ahead of them. I wish I was that cool. I think I’m going to go tomorrow and have my brakes checked.