Friday, April 30, 2010

An Avocado Breast Milk Puree?

Who are you and what have you done with my sister?…She used to talk about things like…well…I can’t remember…but usually the funniest part was when she had absolutely NO childhood memories whatsoever. Why not? I was only a few years older than she was and I could replay everyday of my life yet somehow she virtually didn’t even remember which bedroom she had in our big beautiful house. Now her message on my voicemail ended with a simple, “I’ve gotta go. I’m feeding my child an avocado breast milk puree…and he doesn’t seem to like it very much.” I pushed ‘end’ on my phone and thought to myself “really? That sounds so yummy to me! Strange kid!” This is the girl who asked me to drive three hours 10 years ago to make her meals for a special protein diet we were going to do together to lose a few pounds and as I placed the last of the 36 rations into the freezer, she called me from the theatre to ask, “Why can’t I have a twizzler? What kind of gosh darn diet are we doing that you can’t eat twizzlers?”…um…I don’t know lil’ sis, why don’t you just grab a quick avocado breast milk puree?

She is not the only one of my sisters who has leaped into the realm of child-dom and left me to wonder what the heck they are all talking about on a daily basis. My one sister, who is the closest in age to me, has 6 children…or 27?…no…I think it’s 6. Yes. 6! She and her husband sat down with me a few weeks ago after we broke into our mother’s house and made dinner while she was out of town. (Don’t be upset. We really didn’t break in. We were in charge of the fish and we unlocked the door and left all the lights on the whole time she was gone so it seemed like things were the way they usually were. We even moved her car every 8 minutes so no one would suspect that she wasn’t home. She comes and goes a lot!) After dinner, they sent the children outside and she said, “Oh good. Now we can have some adult conversation!”…I looked around the room for another adult who might possibly be able to add anything useful to her and her husband’s adult conversation, but as I turned side to side, I could only see my own reflection in the glass of the backlit windowpanes. Adult conversation? Don’t adults talk about their kids? It’s a long shot to think that I have much to add in that regard but I did just get a really nice purse. I smiled and asked if they wanted to go outside and play baseball with the kids. Of course she said no because she’s played sports with me before and she is very aware that I truly have no business doing so!…other than that time I thought maybe I could play softball and the last sister (who hasn’t been mentioned in this yet) accidentally got a baseball bat directly between the eyes and had to wear dark sunglasses for 6 years or so.

Alas the dark-eyed sister…actually she healed up extremely nicely and is known very often for her beauty…and how she gets people to do things for her…That last part isn’t my judgment of her. It’s in her own words. One time I drove 4 hours to pick her up from her last day at a job she worked. She was pregnant at the time and she pointed out a few things that needed to go with her that day: 6 boxes of text books, some percussion instruments, some drawings…They all needed to be carried down a flight of stairs and packed in my car. As I carried a very heavy one by a couple of ladies who worked there, she whispered, “Could you not act like those are so heavy. I’m sort of known around here as someone who gets people to do things for her.”..Of course!…My bad!…Now she has a 16 month old and apparently taking care of a baby is harder than it looks. Like from my other sister, I get messages from her sometimes about baby related things too, but usually her phone battery dies in the middle of them. Come to think of it, I think I’ve even gotten some messages from the 1 year old…I don’t understand his messages either…oh well…I guess I’m in that awkward stage of life where I only have things in common with unmarried 23 year old girls…who are Mormons, or something that makes it so they don’t party all night. As for “adult conversation?” I paid my mortgage today…and then jumped on my trampoline for a little while. I never get tired of that thing!…of course I haven’t gotten used to those springs breaking and throwing me to the ground. No matter how ready you are for it, it’s always quite shocking! It’s dangerous to be an adult!