Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Too much energy?

So I was wondering about the guy that we put too much energy into? Why is there always one person who wastes an incredible amount of our time? It seems like we all have one. I walked away from mine nearly 4 years ago when I met him thinking, “wow! He is fantastic! He is the reason I’ve gone through what I’ve gone through.” So how can we be so wrong sometimes? Even if it is the case, it depends on timing and on whether he is willing to be there with you. What a ridiculous mess! Every time I gain some ground where he is concerned and realize that he isn’t ever going to come around and appreciate what I have to offer him, he walks through the door again to drag me back in. Am I really that stupid? I don’t think that I’m stupid. It’s quite obvious to me that he doesn’t like me…I mean…how many times has he made a plan with me and simply not shown?…or how many times has he looked at the phone with my name, stored as “crazy stalker” on it as it rings and laughed and ignored it? I don’t think I am the only one who feels this way. I have always liked him and he has not liked me in equal proportion. So what do I want with him? Do I have something to prove? Not really. There is absolutely nothing more that I could say or do to show him that I’m a nice person. Actually…I am a nice person. I’m just not sure that he knows that or even cares if it’s true or not! Oh well. So what are my choices? …well…I could waste another 4 years on him…or I could simply realize that the timing has never been right with us and walk away. He says he wants to keep someone at “arms length.” I'm not really that person. I'm more like the real deal. He could find anyone on the street for that. I suppose that I give up. He won’t play with me so I’m taking my ball back and going home! If only it were easy! It’s like playing bingo at a church bazaar. You win $5 and then you keep playing until you lose $100. I suppose the $5 that I win every so often that ties me up for hours isn’t worth the $100 I’m wasting by not moving on and caring about someone who wants to, or has time to care about me. I suppose I have to wish him luck and move ahead. I guess I was wrong about him. Strange…

1 comments:

Robin said...

I have done this too and I've come to the realization that the reason I do this is because I always want to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. I would think back to the times where he was so sweet to me and think he's still feeling that way about me somewhere inside him - I just have to bring it out! And I would think to myself, I can't imagine dating a guy that I wasn't into so how could he date me but not be in to me? It's so frustrating!