Saturday, December 21, 2013

Is he just a puzzle to be solved?

How many years do people waste on people who are not ever going to be the person we want them to be?  I find the number of how many people I talk to who are “trying to figure out” someone while he is “trying to figure out what” he wants, overwhelming. 

I responded to a friend recently who told me that he needed to learn how to just take it as it comes and go with it.  I wrote back in jest: “Since when do you take things as they come?”  I giggled at the thought that someone was clearly telling him that she cared about him and wanted him to “take things as they come” in hopes that he will one day “love” her.  The real question was how long would she wait for him to “figure it out?”  The answer - Likely WAY TOO LONG!

So why do women want to be TOLD the answer?  I’ve spent much of my life wanting people to tell me when they have no interest in being my friend.  How funny (and pathetic) that sounds from the perspective of my voice writing my thoughts to people who do this instead of taking my own advice. Why can’t we analyze people’s actions and instead of saying “I’ll be here for you when you figure it out”, say, “You know what?  You SUCK!  I don’t want to be YOUR friend!” 

Someone told me once that therapists believe it to be a lack of self-esteem that allows a person to let herself be treated in this way.  Funny thing was that I was always so set on the fact that I thought I was showing the other person who was broken in some way that people were good, that I didn’t realize how full of myself I actually was!  Who was I to believe that there was no way someone wouldn’t like me?  Did I ever stop to think that maybe my kindness and smiling personality made him want to puke a little?  WELL!  PUKE AWAY!  I’ll be right here every single day until you say the words “Calia.  I don’t want to be your friend” and then give me an exact reason why.  Until then I’ll be here waiting for your call, I’ll drop everything when you need something,  I’ll run to the ends of the earth to make sure you have a smile on your face when you’re stressed, I’ll walk your puppy...okay... NO.  (I’m not walking anyone’s puppy!  That is crossing the line...puppies...I don’t like puppies...)

So do we really need to hear the words?  Do we keep people in our lives as a puzzle to “solve”?  What if the puzzle has a couple of missing pieces that he misplaced from his box MANY years ago and there is no solution?  Before you wrap yourself up in the game of helping him by putting yourself second, you better be sure that his rubik’s cube hasn’t had a couple of stickers removed from each color or you’re going to be very disappointed when you get to the last step and his cube is still all messed up.